Meth-induced voices in your head start with pareidolia

I’ve never written about this topic on this blog, although it was a frequent subject on my old blog. Maybe it’s time…

This subject is fascinating to me now, though it wasn’t always that way. In active addiction it was scary. It was something that I lived with for a few years, but what I find most interesting is how it started.

Firstly, you need to know what pareidoloia is. It’s defined as seeing patterns where none exist, and while that explains it technically, it doesn’t really make it clear what the psychological phenomenon actually is. Visual pareidolia is when we think we see shapes like faces in inanimate objects, like Jesus on a piece of toast, or a face on Mars.

But pareidolia is also when we think we hear voices or recognisable sounds through white noise. An example of the less well known auditory pareidolia is when you’re taking a shower or hear really loud rain falling on your roof, and you think you hear voices or your phone ringing through the noise. That was how my meth voices started. At first it was just ordinary pareidolia, where there was loud rain or wind and I thought I heard voices, but would realize immediately that it was my imagination.

But then something seemed to go wrong in my brain. Fragments of sound that sounded like voices evolved into much more. As months went by, it would happen more frequently, and any background noise, even noises that were not noticeable to most people, would trigger it. So what started out sounding vaguely like voices, after a few months became voices of people that I knew speaking unintelligible words. (So it was like hearing a conversation from another room, one just out of earshot and not heard clearly.) Then as time went by, it became actual words and sentences that I could make out.

Eventually, and note that this happened with everyday use of crystal meth for a couple of years, there didn’t have to be any white noise to trigger the voices. Eventually I heard voices all the time, and they took on a different nature. They would sound just like real voices, coming from different directions and distance, so the sensation was enough to trick my brain into believing that I really heard the voices with my ears. They became voices that mocked me, voices that ridiculed me, voices of imaginary observers to a mind that became increasingly paranoid and deluded. (So it became much like a persecution complex, or paranoid schizophrenia.) At one stage I heard people talking about me at work, saying terrible things about me. I heard them through the walls. I heard them even when I was alone. Eventually I isolated myself from the outside world and everything in my life was affected as I retreated into my own delusional world of suffering and pain.

Meth-induced voices in your head take you to a bad place, a real living hell on Earth. And many who go there don’t return. They end up permanently psychotic. I’ll probably revisit this topic and write about how it felt to live with those voices and the inevitable delusion, but today’s post is mostly about how they start.

I find it interesting to know that those voices do start with auditory pareidolia, which is something we all experience. Of course, if you’re a meth addict and you start to experience voices, it’s probably a great time to stop using. (But you won’t, I know. Yet you need to recognize that when this happens, you can no longer try to convince yourself that you aren’t an addict. When it reaches this point, you’re a long way past crossing a line from user to addict. You need to recognize that you have a serious problem, one that is affecting not only your life but those of all involved in it.) Once the voices progress to the point where you hear them all the time, they don’t stop as long as you continue using. Even if you are clean for a long time and then relapse, the voices return in a few days, and then stick around as long as you use. At least that’s how it was for me.


Update: This article about apophenia (the spontaneous perception of connections and meaningfulness of unrelated phenomena), which is of course closely related to pareidolia, lists high levels of dopamine as a possible cause. Of course drugs like meth, and to a lesser extent cocaine and crack cocaine, cause tremendously high levels of dopamine, considerably higher than the levels that occur naturally. And all of those drugs cause voices in the heads of long-term users. Apparently high levels of dopamine might also cause belief in the paranormal, and EVP, among other things. (I’d considered mentioning EVP here anyway.)

I find this very interesting, in that it could mean that hearing voices is simply an expected side-effect of prolonged drug use. Further, I noticed many meth addicts who tended to believe in black magic and possession. Even when I was in rehab years ago, some residents there became convinced that a schizophrenic resident (who talked to himself and spoke in gibberish that they thought were “demonic tongues”) was possessed. No amount of attempting to reason with them would convince them otherwise. So beware, voices in the head and apophenia leading to an irrational belief in the paranormal (as well as possibly in God in recovery) may well just be a side-effect of the high levels of dopamine as a result of frequent prolonged drug use. And it may be permanent.

Some of my most annoying Facebook “friends” are people I became acquainted with in rehab, who share Christian nonsense followed by “type Amen” all the time. I can’t bring myself to unfriend them somehow. The most annoying proponent of the sharing Jesus movement is a girl I remember from rehab who believed that she needed to eat sand. There was even a patch of sand set aside especially for her in the garden. (My greatest challenge in rehab was to refrain from pissing in her sand patch.) So ironically, some who hang on so desperately to Jesus in recovery may, in my opinion, do so simply because their brains are fried from all the drugs. Fortunately I’m not one of them. I guess I’m just lucky.

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About Jerome

I am a senior C# developer in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am also a recovering addict, who spent nearly eight years using methamphetamine. I write on my recovery blog about my lessons learned and sometimes give advice to others who have made similar mistakes, often from my viewpoint as an atheist, and I also write some C# programming articles on my programming blog.
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116 Responses to Meth-induced voices in your head start with pareidolia

  1. hargilad says:

    To me it’s highly interesting what these voices were actually saying? Could you engage them or influence them consciously ? We’re they say good things also or was it negative all the time?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      It was almost always negative. I’d be super-high, edgy, anxious and paranoid. Sitting in the office, where everybody knew that I used to be on drugs, and I hear one of the marketing people and the director sitting in his office speculating that I have relapsed and that they should fire me. Sometimes I’d hear it the whole morning and be on the verge of confessing that I am struggling and am out of my mind on drugs, then suddenly I snap out of it by afternoon, realizing that the voices were not real. At the same time the anxiety would disappear and I;d feel “normal”. But tired and craving my next hit of meth.

      Sometimes, after my girlfriend left me, I’d hear her voice. Whispering and calling my name. Or I’d be sitting there in a group of people, again anxious edgy, paranoid and generally creeped out, and I’d hear her voice whispering directly in my ear, “Jerome, I love you” or “Help me” or something else that gave me enough of a fright that I would physically jump.

      Or I’d be at home, tripping on my computer all night and hear voices outside as if there were people watching me, saying bad things about me. For hours. I eventually did discover that I could concentrate and change what the voices were saying, since I was aware that they were coming from my own mind. Making them say crazy things would take the edginess away a little, and alleviate the anxiety and paranoia. But it never took the voices away completely. It was a coping mechanism that worked for a while, but not something I’d ever recommend anyone try.

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      • Jai says:

        Sir jerome hello what u experienced is what iam experiencing ryt now i would really want to talk to someone who can relate tpo what iam gpoing through ryt now kindly email me at giatayka1234@gmail.com i need advice n someone who will not judge me thank u sir

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      • Eva Soriano says:

        Hi, your posting really hit home with me. I experienced the same problem while I was on meth. Almost from the time I started using it I heard almost what could be described as indistinct whispers that gradually grew into several voices that would bombard me day and night. I have relapsed once two months ago for a five day binge, the voices started almost as soon as I started using.
        I am clean now but I do suffer from residual psychological side effects, side effects that no one else seems to suffer from after they quit using, I have even been prescribed an antipsychotic but the medication does nothing for my symptoms. I was wondering if I explained my symptoms, could you relate if you have experienced the same or know of others that may suffer as I do?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Jerome says:

          Please do feel free to share.

          I haven’t experienced anything myself… I don’t think. Once when I was about six months clean (the first time in 2010), I was driving to work, was anxious and at a busy intersection… I heard voices that reminded me of the meth voices, in that they were indistinct and had the same sort of pitch and “volume” as the meth voices. I had no idea if those voices were real or not – but suspected not. Have never heard anything like that again.

          And this last time, which will be two years and seven months next week Monday, I’ve experienced nothing like that. But I have heard from others in the comments here, who stated that they still hear voices even after two years clean. I didn’t believe them at first, but always imagined that the experience would be the same for everybody. But now I tend to believe it, because some of them have been quite convincing, and this came from people with no reason to lie. So the effects may be permanent, or my take longer for to go away for some than for others… I look at it as a huge warning and motivation never to use again – because you never know when you cross that line, from temporary to permanent or long-term effects.

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      • Darryl says:

        I am a functioning addict, stimulants, meth ect. I dont use everyday but when i do i binge for several days straight, no sleep, little to eat and chain smoke cigarettes. i am 63 and had never heard the voices until a year and half ago. I had come home from back to back surgery’s with a pick line in my arm for the purpose of giving myself antibiotics direct into the blood stream. It was just so easy i thought and decided to fill a plastic screw on syringe with dissolved ice ( pure meth ) and inject thru the pick line. It was so intense i could only inject a small amount at a time and leave it dangling from the pick line and push a little in every 20 or 30 minutes. By the second day of still doing this straight i began to see things which was not a bad thing but the voices started and i have had them ever since that was 1-1/2 years ago. When i go awhile without using the voices become very quiet almost like a faint whisper but are still there. The voices for the first six months were very believable and had me thinking the police were right outside and i actually flushed some substance down the toilet. Eventually i understood that they were not real and only in my head. The voices were good trying to convince me that what they were saying was true. Now i know for certain that all they say are lies, all lies. Now i only laugh at them and and continue to enjoy myself and live with them. They are harmless unless you let them mess with you. Once you completely believe that they are not real your life can be almost normal. The voices all have their own personality’s with one female and the others male. There is one who they try and make you think is the badass and is more powerful than the others, Hahahah. I now have to laugh at what they try and convince me of. All lies of course because not one thing they ever tried to convince me of ever happened!! They can be very clever but you must remember that the truth is they are harmless unless you think they are real. One of the voices plays the good guy but he is no different than the others. Their goal is to try and make me stop using but they say nothing but words that are critical of everything i do from making a sandwich to walking on the beach to looking at girls, you name it. Please do not take them serious, laughing at them for me is the best way to deal with them. Even after not using for several months they were still there, more quiet but still running their mouthes. i will probably have them the rest of my life but learning how to deal with them is whats really important, ignore them is best but don’t let them spoil your fun doing the normal things that life has to offer….

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        • Jerome says:

          It’s difficult to know what to respond to this…

          Darryl is right in that if you are hearing voices and choose to continue using, you have to find a way of coping with them. He’s also spot on, it seems, that the voices don’t go away for everyone. They did for me, but several people have commented that the voices never left them.

          I’d say you have to carefully evaluate what you want in life, and make a decision based on that. For me, I am still young enough that I have years in my chosen career ahead of me… And a young son to raise by myself. In order to do that, I can not afford to use. It’s that simple… Recovery was not initially for me – it was for those whom I loved. But the voices disappeared within days and after being clean for a while (weeks) my priorities changed and I no longer had any interest whatsoever in using.

          But to Darryl… I wonder if you are being completely honest with us? I mean, you know the voices are in your head, and that they are generated by some part of your brain… You say they want you to stop using, that is their purpose? Then there must be some part of you that does want to stop, right? There is more to your story and there is a conflict within you mind. The voices are not real in that they are not voices, but they are real in the sense that they are part of your mind, and some of what they say may be your conscience…

          Of course if I were 63, and no longer had my son to raise, my priorities would be different too. I don’t know if I would be clean and I can not judge.

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      • Keith odie says:

        Hey man I did some a couple times I haven’t used any in a year until Saturday I did a 10th and another line around 10:00 pm Saturday night I laird down for an hour Sunday around 11:00 for about an hour woke up and was hearing whole conversations and knocking at my door and windows did you ever experience anything like this before or am I just plain ass crazy hit me up on Facebook pm Keith odie is my screen name pic of a grey t shirt says Woody on it tks man

        Liked by 1 person

        • Jerome says:

          Well, yes… Whole conversations is what I had most of the time. Started as whispering in the wind and rain, and then progressed. I had whole conversations in various voices, some I recognized from my past of various people I used to hear a lot – and some that my brain totally invented, conversations often about me… usually when I was coming down and paranoid. Eventually it progressed and I’d get it all the time, even when driving the car.

          But yes, what you describe is normal. I’ll try to find you on FB when I have the time.

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          • Keith odie says:

            Hey man tks I figured out how to get back here yeah it was as I was coming down it seemed completely real to me I went to bed last night thinking that my girl had came and talked to the Sgt and talked them out of taking me to jail I never saw her but herd her talking I heard the police knocking on my doors and windows and asking my neighbors where I was I live in single story apartments then I didn’t hear anything for two hrs then they came back and that’s when I told my girl to come home she thinks I’m a nut case tks for taking the time to respond it’s easy to be straight with. a stranger

            Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      It’s difficult to explain the state of mind I was in on meth.

      If you’re into horror movies, you know the feeling. That feeling of dread, where everything is ominous and terrifying, where some horrid fate lurks around every corner, and even though you know it’s a movie, when you watch it in the dark you feel real fear. That’s how I felt almost all the time, but in broad daylight. The voices were a component of that horror, making my life a living hell. After years of the drug giving me pleasure, all it gave me was this, this horrible torturous, miserable never-ending living hell. All that I had left was the tweaking, and even that I couldn’t enjoy because most of the time I’d be paranoid and afraid, taking a hit nervously hiding behind my bed in the middle of the night, with the cursed voices mocking me, as if there were dozens of people watching and judging me. It was really a pitiful, meaningless existence in the end.

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      • aro says:

        My boyfriend hears voices alllday, everyday. He swears someone put a hex on him but i know its because of his 20 year meth addiction. I dont know how to help him because its beyond my control. He talks to the voices and they talk to him. Its really trippy

        Like

        • Eric says:

          I get this too. Sometimes it’s really fun, sometimes it’s not. Anti-psychotics and anti-anxiety meds do not do anything for it. After so long it becomes the norm but it makes listening to music unbearable and for a musician like me it blows because voices will comment on every last note I play. If I try to go back to work, bad things happen and I have the bizarre painful sensations on my body which sucks because apart from a couple brief periods of my life I’ve always enjoyed going to work. I had to move home because it makes working unbearable and this “psychosis” ruined two attempts at getting back to work. This apparently is the pattern for meth use now, you have a year to enjoy it, then a year of transitioning out of it. If you do meth now, being a complete loser stereotypical worst case scenario is to be expected. Just remember meth isn’t a schizophrenia inducer or a psychedelic and in it’s pure form is safer than a lot of meds you would get at rite aid in therapeutic doses. Without saying too much there is now an imposed pattern on how long you have to enjoy it and an imposed pattern of recovery which is basically a year of really enjoying yourself and a year of being a jobless bum. It’s a bad sign if you start hearing things like:

          -Whoa whoa whoa whoa masturbator
          -crowds cheering with loud female voices
          -oh my god! he’s jacking off!
          -feeling like your brain loops all of your thoughts on top of each other in a lengthy 3-day scenario
          -feeling like you’re being interrogated by your voices in military, terrorism, and mob style scenarios
          -hearing bizarre musical patterns
          -feeling strange sensations all over your body
          -horrific intrusive thoughts involving pedophilia, racism, and incest
          -the feeling of inserted nightmares
          -voices so loud they wake you up all through the night

          Meth psychosis is paranoia and mild delusions, it doesn’t make you have bizarre hallucinations or make you physically fall apart. The old withdrawal was 2-4 weeks of sleeping and replenishing nutrients and afterwards you feel better. No need for a rehab, just some vacation time from work or a patient friend or family member to let you ride it out. That is no longer the case and it has nothing to do with real methamphetamine withdrawal. It is being cracked down on with dealers and users in ways that you don’t even want to know about. It’s a bad time to be even a casual drug user that enjoys stimulants. Just be warned.

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          • tara says:

            Haha. This is hilarious. I hear them too but they finally started being nice and encouraging. Unless im being nonitored of course. Of course.

            Like

      • Keith odie says:

        The thing that scares me the most is that I’ve only done meth a couple times and never experienced this it had been a year since I had done any and I’ve never used it much but idk tks again man I really appreciate it

        Liked by 1 person

  2. hargilad says:

    So , once your existence became a living hell, what was the motivation to keep using? if it’s not pleasurable anymore and the side effects are so horrendous and your life is falling apart around you – what kept you coming back for more? is the suffering of withdrawal is worse than the horrific picture you paint of using?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Jerome says:

      There is no withdrawal from meth. The first few days are difficult because you can’t stay awake, and after that everything is normal. For me, the voices went away within 2 to 3 days, though I heard it took longer for some other people.

      It’s hard to explain, but I think there are several factors, some of which might be:

      • You become chemically dependant on the drug, so staying awake without it is impossible, and doing anything at all doesn’t feel “normal” without the drug.
      • “Tweaking”, that weird psychological state of being fascinated with every activity, becomes normal. You come to rely on that state and want to feel like that all the time.
      • Judging by the search strings like “no meth no energy” that brought readers to my old blog, users conflate having energy with the meth high and tweaking. So when they are clean, even after sleeping, when they have normal energy it doesn’t feel like energy because they think having energy is being high. (But they don’t know they think that.)
      • And lastly, you forget the bad things and tend to remember the good things, like a gambler who only remembers their last win.

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    • Jerome says:

      Hmmm… This deserves a post all by itself, on the subject of that awful contradiction. I think I did make it clear how bad the situation is, and your description above summarises it quite well, but what I didn’t clarify is the predicament one finds oneself in, where life is hell but one cannot imagine living without meth, and one can’t seem to function without meth. And sadly, one does not want to stop, despite how terrible it is. That’s a tough one, I can’t seem to get my head around why I wanted to continue using for so long, even though it wasn’t leading to any good for a long time.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. hargilad says:

    that is the withdrawals (not every withdrawals is heroin like) – the feeling of no energy, problems keeping awake, depression and such. too me it seems much better than voices belittling you, constant paranoia , anxiety and life in shambles.
    Another thing that popped into my mind was – Did you start the “atheist enthusiast” practice while tweaking on meth or was it an interest that came into being while struggling to get “normal” so to speak?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      Haha… Maybe I should’ve said that there is no physical withdrawal? Yah, no physical withdrawal means no need for any medication, like anyone who was addicted to a number of other substances, but the psychological withdrawal – if you want to call it that – is substantial. There’s learning to live and be normal again without the constant massive amount of dopamine in the brain. There’s feeling normal pleasures again, and mostly there’s coping with energy levels and not conflating it with the meth high and “needing a wake-up”.

      The atheism thing is more difficult to answer. I stopped believing in god when I was 16 years old, but continued going to church for a long time. I even prayed to a god that I didn’t believe in at one stage.

      At one time in active addiction, I tried anything, even going to a church or two. But they didn’t do anything for me, and I was a skeptic even in active addiction. There was also often some paranormal or magical or new age shit that Megan was into, and I “debunked” those. (Wicca, astrology, healing crystals that you “charge” in the fucking moonlight, spells to get money, and too many more nonsensical things to list or remember.)

      I can’t say when I realized that I was an atheist. It’s something that happened gradually over many years. It’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve been comfortable calling myself that.

      Lately, in the context of living in the real world, I am passionate about not only atheism, but also on not being a credulous idiot and following 12 step programs. To me, being an atheist and a skeptic and a recovering addict are all connected, and writing about all of those subjects interchangeably comes naturally for me now.

      But to answer the question, I was an atheist already in the last few years of my using, but it didn’t become a passion until I was clean for a while. (Although there was a while when, on my old blog, I became obsessed with debunking conspiracy theories – especially end of days ones around 2012, and I did tweak on writing about that.)

      Edit: I hate mentioning this, but some of the shit that I wrote was really embarrassing. Around 2011 to mid 2013, I was writing while using, writing while tweaking. And my writing was popular. I was getting in excess of 100 page views a day, every day, but my writing went further and further away from addiction and recovery because I was writing while using. And I felt bad about that. I felt bad that people were reading my older posts and telling me that my writing helped and inspired them, but I wrote new posts while tweaking my head off. Then I cleaned up and continued the blog for a while, and it became even more popular. Still, I continued to feel bad about the old one; it felt especially shit that my writing, written while I was high, was so damn popular. (Granted, I could still write well at times and I’m better at being funny when high, but still.) That was one of the many reasons I closed that blog and opened this one. (Although this one is not nearly as popular as my old one.)

      As a reader of my old blog, what is your view on this? Did I make a mistake restarting my blogging from the beginning? (It’s too late to go back, but I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing.)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. bbnewsab says:

    Reblogged this on Mass Delusions a.k.a. Magical & Religious Woo-Bullshit Thinking and commented:
    Interesting information – and facts – about, for instance, hearing voices, pareidolia, apophenia and EVP.

    Also about the link between changed dopamine levels (mostly higher levels) in some parts of your brain and proneness to experiencing and believing in woo bullshit, spiritual beings and so on.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. DrJeep says:

    I have started hearing voices too, i hear commentating and huge crowds of people cheering like in an arena or stadium

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      You like The Sisters of Mercy, by any chance? One of my favourite bands of all time…

      Once the voices start, they don’t stop. They just gradually get worse. And that sounds about right… commentating or voices in an arena sounds like the voices are vague and indistinct. After a while they get clearer and you can make out separate voices. In my case they were mostly voices of people I knew, who were “tormenting” me. Typically, I heard voices at the same time as being paranoid and anxious.

      If you’ve reached that point, it’s a good time to find a way to stop, because it’s all downhill from there.

      Like

      • ryjam217 says:

        I swear I’m hearing my boyfriend whispering in the other room and it makes him furious to the point of rage! I’m so glad I found your blog I was sure I was either psychotic or simply spun as he claims or he was lying! It’s bad when we have company because if I’m in another room I’m sure their all whispering about me ☹️But thanks for clearing it up for me!! It’s time to battle the storm!! 🤔🤐😕

        Liked by 1 person

        • Jerome says:

          Good luck.

          It’s not easy – even knowing the voices aren’t real… I used to “hear” them all talking about me at work, then imagine they figured out I had relapsed and that I’d be fired at any moment. So much of the time I was paranoid and frozen in fear, and I did not seek help. Then by afternoon it would wear off and I’d realize that it was all hallucination and delusion… only to repeat the same thing again the next day. It’s horrible.

          So… it’s incredibly difficult to cope with even when you know the voices aren’t real. And yet we have people commenting here about EVP and such, trying to convince us the voices are real. I’m afraid those people might be beyond the point of help, but hope I’m wrong.

          You’ll be OK though – just don’t give up. Not everybody using figures out that they are hearing voices – if you do, you are one of the smarter ones who has a chance of recovery.

          Liked by 1 person

          • ryjam217 says:

            Jerome,
            Until I read your blog this morning I was certain he was talking on the phone or to whomever was in the room with him, and about me because it was only a whispered and I can’t hear what is being said but God I swear it’s talking not sounds. Embarrassing and I hate to admit that at times my ear would be pressed against the wall 😳 Not only would I feel like a fool but it was everytime I walked away from him even when he was snoring and I’d accuse him of talking about me. Then I was convinced he was fucking with me trying to make me feel like I was dealing with schizophrenia and i read up on that and man if that didn’t scare the bajesus out of me. I only started using 3yrs ago but it’s been non stop since he’s been active for over 22 yrs and I think is mind is fucked from it also because he turns things around on me he’s short tempered and will go off on me for hours at a time and then say I’m the one that doesn’t let things go lol😬 But if I even insinuate that the drug is bad for him he loses it it’s like his right arm he’s s hard ass worker but says if not for the meth he wouldn’t be able to function as well. I’m sorry I’m rambling and I’m sure it’s only more of the same things you’ve heard before but the voices started when we moved into this house in October and before that I heard only actual voiced nothing in my head 🤔 Thanks for your blog it’s helped more than you know 💕☺️

            Liked by 1 person

            • Jerome says:

              The voices started for me after a few years too – can’t remember how many.

              It started with whispers and murmurs when it was raining and there was a lot of ambient noise, and it progressed. Most likely it will for you too, because once it starts, that’s how it goes. Eventually it’s not just voices in the next room or words that you can’t make out… it’s full on voices that you can understand, whispering in your ear, and so on. Really scary shit. if you can get out of the situation before it progresses to that, you’ll be better off.

              Liked by 1 person

              • ryjam217 says:

                Thanks Jerome for your input and advice although it scares the shit out of me I appreciate it😉 when I talk to my BF he says what I’m saying is BS but considering he’s looking at it with what I call meth eyes I understand his denial cuz when your away from reality its hard to see what’s right in front of your face ☹️ Thanks again and I love your blog Jerome

                Liked by 1 person

        • Jai says:

          wew tell me about itm i accused my boyfriend of cheating with me with our next door neighboor and hearing him the bathroom doping phone sex with her. damn this thing will make u nuts goopdthing im back on track clean for 3 weeks now

          Liked by 2 people

          • ryjam217 says:

            I think that’s the only choice i have If I’m to stay sane and free from padded cells 😉 It will drive you crazy and consume your life at least it has mine and I cannot keep letting it do that I’ve read where people isolate themselves and I do that enough as it is I wish drugs never entered my life it’s very hard to live happy without them…or with them 😞 But congrats and good luck I wish I had the will and power maybe it’ll happen to me to fingers crossed 😉

            Like

    • Eric says:

      This happened to me too. Funny how people on meth get the exact same auditory hallucinations. You ever get a whoa whoa whoa whoa masturbator?

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Randomguy says:

    Mate this is an awesome article – and THANK YOU! You have cleared up a bit of a worry for me. I am 26 years old, I went through about 6 months of addiction when i was about 16 but got out luckily due to being fucked over by everyone around me.

    I am now quite successful working full time growing software companies for the past 4 years, and about 3 – 4 times a year will have a massive meth binge (Smoking .5 – 1g) over a weekend when my GF was away I know I can afford to write the next week off work.

    Over my last 3 sessions (Each at least 2 months apart) I started hearing things which got progressively worse.
    At first I thought I could hear people walking on the roof.
    This then graduated into hearing them mumbling.
    1 Tap on the skylight window every now and then.
    Shadows of heads peaking through gaps in the Skylight curtain.
    On my last binge (prob the biggest of my life, 1g over 2 days only 2 nights without sleep) it turned into full conversations about me, thinking i could hear 4 – 6 people talking. I was masturbating for a long time (as ya do), thought they had gotten on the roof and heard/seen me and were walking around my roof talking about what a sick freak i was. Towards the end I even thought they were doing shit like putting bubble bath in my airconditioner and thought i saw bubbles coming out of the ceiling vents. the banging got worse on the roof, the voices turned to yells etc.

    My girlfriend got home on the sunday night, and couldnt hear a thing – I was still hearing everything through the white noise, hearing the conversations but now they were talking about her as well. The whole time I knew it was probably the meth but it seemed so real I also knew there is absolutely no way for anyone to get onto the roof of our apartment, without actually going through our apartment, but still those voices fabricated themselves through the wind noises and also random drifitng voices from the street as i live near a main road.

    Anyway thought I would share as i think it shows the link between massive a massive surge of dopamine and phenomena, I was only awake from Friday till Sunday Night so doubt sleep deprivation had too much to do with it, after 7 hours sleep Sunday Night I went to work feeling all good, but still convinced that i had heard the voices back at home, worried about how i was going to confront the people talking about me when I got back, as the voices had become quite vicious towards the end, i thought i would have to fight the dudes as i was also quite pissed off they were on my roof peeking through the curtains haha. Got home later that night and of course the voices were gone, anxiety still hanging around, snooped around the attic a bit to make sure they left no traces behind…By Tuesday realised I imagined it all, am completely fine now (just the usual sleepiness etc.) and the girlfriend has been at home all day monday tuesday and hasn’t heard or seen a thing. Bit of a freaky experience…makes me wonder if i should touch the stuff again…if so definitely not as much.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      Great description of how the voices progress.

      We had this back room that used to be a double garage, and I’d do my oil paintings in there right through the night. Overlooking it was an apartment complex, and even though I knew nobody could see me through the roof, I could hear a whole fucking bunch of critics on their balconies criticizing me and my paintings… I could hear them as if from different angles and distances to the different apartments, and it sounded totally real.

      The problem is that the voices progress… Starts with white noise, then it gets clear, then it gets worse. I had voices all the time in the end. I’d be driving my car alone and hear voices as if there was somebody in the seat beside me, and my dead father in the back seat asking me what the fuck I was doing and why I was ruining my life. Then it progressed even further, to the point of it not being realistic at all – I’d hear a voice off to the side of me, where it was impossible for anyone to be.

      But yeah, once it starts, it doesn’t stop. Next time you use it could be worse. And the paranoia at the same time makes it like torture. I think in a way it is your conscience reminding you about the harm you are doing to yourself, but when you get it in that bad state of mind when you are sleep-deprived, coming down, anxious, self-conscious and paranoid, it is a really dark and negative experience. In the end, my meth use was only negative. I asked myself why I still did it because there was nothing good about it any more.

      Like

    • Jai says:

      Exactly what i experienced sir im also 25 f started using like everyday last yr nov. I accused my bf cheating with me with our nxt door neighbor i would feel someone under my bed and would slowly kick but no one is der. I feel like me vs the whole communitty they wud say nasty things abpout me. I felt im being monitored last smoke i did this.morning and i vow this shit is making me a hporrible persn i might lose my fam because of this shit or end up in a prison cell or mental hpospital no no no

      Liked by 2 people

      • Jerome says:

        Yes, it sucks that something that started out so good can turn so bad. I feel for you. It’s horrible living like that.

        But I can assure you… once it gets like this, it never gets good again. You know what you need to do, but it’s easier said than done, I know. You have to find something that can motivate you to stop, and then stay stopped. Then there’s living without the meth high, without that tweaking state of mind that has come to be how you want to feel. And it’s not easy.

        Good luck.

        Liked by 2 people

        • jai says:

          hi sir its me im so happy and proud top say ive been clean now for alkmopst 2 weeks! if been fighting the urge simce then even if it is in front me i walk away or cover my nose since my bf is using. it feels so good to eat what i want to eat. ive been craving for ice cream all the time and hey i lm starting to gain my weight again 🙂 my bf has been 100% supportive of me quitting he gives me money to buy watever fud i want to eat. my confidence is slowly gaining back because i no longer see clinks the bone flketcher in the mirror. i seldom hear the voices if i hear them i pray. life is waaaaaay better without meth for 5 months ive been using evwryday its really dif being normal like getting tired n skeepy n hungry is waaaay better 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

          • Jerome says:

            Well done. I hope you can manage to stay clean now, but even if you don’t succeed the first time… don’t give up! It is so much better to be clean and normal again.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Jai says:

              Thanks sir. im planning to continue this. my greatest motivation is to remind myself how people made me feel like shit when i was under i felt disrespected i felt this person was disgusted of me would say i was weird n scary now this person doesnt have any fmreaking right to say this to me

              Liked by 1 person

              • Jerome says:

                True, people do judge you and disrespect you when you are an addict. But more than that, you become your own worst enemy. You judge yourself, and as you sink deeper and deeper, you end up hating yourself. At least that’s how it was for me.

                You need to get back your confidence, learn to love yourself again.

                Liked by 1 person

                • jai says:

                  slowly sir jerome one day at a time. im in touch with opther dobers wchich helps me a lot

                  Liked by 1 person

                • Jai says:

                  by the way sir i would lkike to ask is it knopwn that after meth use opr is it part of the withdrawals to have a multiple personality? caused im having a nopther personality i call het evil jai but she nice and encouring i call her evil cause everytime im tempted to use she makes me feel again how i felt during when i was using.

                  Like

  7. winner man says:

    I also hear that voice in my head But after two years I realized the main reason is sound
    you just need to joking them….!
    every think is going to be fun after that they are just some kind of nothing thats it
    I have a real good life with or whitout meth

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      Finding a coping mechanism for the voices in your head is a slippery slope to madness.

      Having said that, I also tried coping for a while… I found that by concentrating, I could control the voices, and turn the bad things they said into good things, or stupid things… thus taking the edge off and reducing my paranoia.

      But it doesn’t work for long. You also look retarded while you focus on the voices in your head rather than your surroundings. You retreat into your own head and your own version of reality. This is dangerous, because no matter how hard you try, on some level you do believe that the voices are real. So sooner or later you succumb to delusions and this could lead to psychosis.

      Apart from the risk of psychosis which I believe worsens the longer you continue to use, the other problem with trying to cope with those voices is that when you retreat into your own head and stop interacting with the people and things around you, you remove yourself from being able to participate in normal social situations. You’re no longer able to relate to others or perform properly at work or anywhere else, and you also detach and “listen” to the things said by those imaginary voices. In a way you step out of reality and become one with the imaginary people in your head, and this might be permanent.

      Liked by 1 person

      • tara says:

        It is so odd they are so similar. I hear dead people and spirits or not. See aliens. Its hard not to retreat because its so intriguing to me. Am i being framed am i telepathic? Even after quiting my imaginary friends stay. We chat. They tell jokes. They used to be what everyone describes constantly commenting and ridiculing. But now they are positive instead which is cool. I studied bio chem which is why I’m so fascinated by them. They check in and check out and its fine.

        Like

  8. Anon says:

    Read this entire comment and know that it is easier than these words can explain. You just have to try.
    —-

    Mind over matter…it’s as simple as recognizing the differences between the biochemical changes happening inside your brain while on drugs. Once you recognize these differences it becomes possible to overcome their negative influences and enjoy the positive.

    Since these changes are pretty much changing your mental processes on a “hardware” level, it’s not always so easy to make them stop. It is, however, easy for you to accept them as unusual and not part of what is “normal” reality. Once you’ve reached this part of the process, the rest is a matter of practice. Remember to remember to accept it as unusual and then let it go. Don’t focus on it.

    Sometimes you will not realize that you are being affected by the drug though. This isn’t something to worry over either. Once you come to the realization that your current mindset is abnormal then just accept it as such and move on or continue to enjoy yourself if you do not have more important matters to attend to. The key is to recognize and accept this fact.

    By doing this you are training yourself to seperate what you think is real vs what is a hallucination or delusion. Ultimately, you won’t even have to think about it. You will be back to your normal self and these episodes will have little influence over your mental state.

    Hopefully this simple advice helps someone who is dealing with psychosis overcome their worries and get back on track.

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      Hmmm… If your advice is applied to people who suffer from psychosis and delusion/hallucination when they are no longer using drugs, it could be useful; but if you apply it while continuing to use, it could be dangerous.

      Mind over matter…it’s as simple as recognizing the differences between the biochemical changes happening inside your brain while on drugs. Once you recognize these differences it becomes possible to overcome their negative influences and enjoy the positive.

      This looks like you do mean to continue using and cope with the side-effects. However, when we use drugs, our priorities change, such that what should be important to us, is not. There’s a fundamental difference between someone using drugs and someone who isn’t. Trying to “overcome their negative influences and enjoy the positive” sounds reasonable enough, but life is not all about enjoying oneself. Seeking personal pleasure is a small part of life, when you are clean, normal and responsible.

      Sometimes you will not realize that you are being affected by the drug though. This isn’t something to worry over either. Once you come to the realization that your current mindset is abnormal then just accept it as such and move on or continue to enjoy yourself if you do not have more important matters to attend to. The key is to recognize and accept this fact.

      When you use meth, you are always affected by the drug. This is something to worry over. There is more to life than enjoying yourself, but on meth, no matter how much you think you know, you are in a state of mind that makes it impossible not to be consumed (tweaking) with whatever tickles your fancy. Your priorities are reordered such that your tweaking and personal pleasure are more important than anything else, and this happens quite independently of meth voices and delusions. Even what you think is your “normal self” is not that at all.

      You redefine what it means to be normal. There are some parts of this state of mind that you can only understand with retrospect, after being clean for a long time. But deep down, on meth you know that it is poisoning every aspect of your life, your relationships and your work. Coping with it like this only makes sense because you are not thinking clearly.

      Like

      • Jessica says:

        this all makes sense.my mother has been on this ice crap for six yrs and anhydrous dope for 12yrs before that.she has been seeing things.crazy things.hearing cults chanting at her.she believes they will break n and kill her.she thinks they cme n while shes at work n rape her dog.she sits n her basement witj her phone n one hand and a knife n the other because to her they’re outside chanting they’re going to cme n.she says even when shes not had any ice for a few days they’re still there chanting trying to get her so it cant b the dope.this has been going on for six yrs.im a single mother of two and this craziness is effecting us grately.she has no friends and no.other family but me.i hate it.i have no.idea wht to do.im afraid she will eventually kill herself because she believes n her heart they will break n.n torture her n she wants to get the job done before tht happens.sux:(

        Like

        • Jessica says:

          o yea and the patterns.hearing them.play the same song over n over n over.

          Like

          • Jerome says:

            Wow. That sucks.

            When it happened to me, I found that one of the signs that it was not real was the repetition… I’d always hear voices saying exactly the same things, for hours at a time. Because it’s not real, and because it is only in the mind, the voices/chants/whatever can’t make any progress – they can only say the same shit. Real voices would never go on like that for hours at a time without anything happening, and also I found that although they sounded real, they always appeared to be coming from more or less the same distance away. That is the pitch and volume was wrong, sometimes impossibly wrong and they could not be real.

            maybe you could try explaining that to her as a way of convincing her that it isn’t real and she needs help, but it sounds like she is too far gone to understand.

            Like

  9. Brian Edwards says:

    Hi Everyone,

    This may not go over to well with some, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway.
    I’ve been hearing voices and feeling physical sensations on my body for over a year now since I dabbled with EVP for only 2 months last winter.

    I’ve found other cases of this from EVP, Quija, Meditation, Dowsing, and yes, I’ve read accounts from drug use that I think is the same situations, I’ll paste a brief account of my story below, but I’m of the opinion that it is in some cases caused by external forces.

    I have had an on/off interest in the paranormal for many years, but last winter I decided to “go active” for the first time, I started experimenting with EVP

    I didn’t capture anything on my first few attempts and was about to give up but for some reason I kept trying

    after about 2 weeks of no results, I captured several EVPs on a single recording….they were intelligent responses to

    this captured my curiosity (unfortunatley looking back now), so I kept recording…actually it got to the point were it was becoming an everyday thing, but I started to notice voices on practically every recording I did.

    they were very faint at first and I had to listen to the recordings over and over a few times to make out much of what was being said (though I’d occasionally get louder ones with a precursor “popping sound”
    as they days went by the faint voices started to come into focus so to speak where I could hear them much better
    I became so good at this that I started to develope a dialogue with these spirits
    I would get names, when and where they lived…etc….etc…
    to my surprise, many of these spirits claimed to be the spirits of people that I had either known or knew of, eventually I came to believe I was speaking to the spirits of some friends and family members who has passed away
    I fell for it all HOOK LINE AND SINKER
    every thing seemed fine, pleasant, benevolent for about a month and a half, then I started to get some not so pleasant voices showing up in my recordings
    threats, insults, profanity, etc…
    it started off slight, but seemed to get worse by the day, until it got so bad that it practically came to dominate my recordings, but the “benevolent” voices were still there as well, so I kept at it
    then one day, while I was at my work, near a running fan, all of a sudden, very loud and clear, I started to hear these same menacing voices harassing me from over the fan noise…I was hearing this, just with my ears now
    I was freaked out to say the least, so I stopped doing EVP right then and there, but it was too late already, in the weeks that followed, I increasingly had more incidents of hearing these menacing voices, it was often, though not always over some type of background noise or carrier sound and they say (I believe the spirits use the steady source of sound to enhance a voice, same concept as using white noise when recording)
    another thing started to happen….I started to feel physical sensations as I lay in bed at night trying to sleep, it was usually a weird vibrating sensation, or the feeling of a finger literally coming up out of the mattress and poking me in the lower back….getting to sleep started to become a problem

    things escalated like this for awhile, then literally over the course of a single morning early last April, things just exploded to an extreme level..the voices were everywhere….non-stop 24/7 day and night, they were much more intense now too, some had this weird bass tone effect, where when they spoke I could literally feel the ground shaking….the physical attacks also became much more intense…sometimes I would feel intense stinging or biting sensations
    to put it mildly I became a complete vegetable for many weeks, it became hard to function at my job, anything…I called out of work allot and just lay in bed staring at the ceiling listening to this onslaught of tormenting voices all day and night
    and the voices would constantly play mind games, they would claim to be demons and Satan one day, pissed off human spirits another day, once one of them claimed to be Jesus…they kept switching the story line
    they would constanlty harass me about my “sins” and literally try and psychologically break me down…it was a nightmare I find hard to put into words
    a few months later, I posted my story and a paranormal forum like this and someone reached out to me through PM that also went through it himself…..he gave me a ton of insight into what this was and what was happening to me…he helped me to get back to a somewhat state of normalcy….then I found others still and received allot of help for them
    I have so much more to tell, but this post is already long enough, I’ll come back to it….but I’ve found some common traits in all of the accounts I found of this
    I’d say it definatley has to do with some type of sensitivity that certain people have to spirits/spiritual influence
    in all of our accounts, we all pretty much got hit with this fairly quickly after being involved with spirit communication, usually a matter of weeks or months
    and we all started making allot of “contact” ie: were able to start getting allot of EVPs fairly quickly as well

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      Check out the wikipedia page for pareidolia… Seeing or hearing patterns where there are none to be found. My post pointed out that meth voices start with that. If you are hearing them to such an extent without using drugs, you may need psychiatric help.

      Like

      • Sal says:

        There is every chance you could be right Brian, but as Jerome suggested, speak with a professionally trained specialist, like a psychiatrist. I may be wrong but has schizophrenia ever crossed your mind? Sympyoms generally start becoming obvious in your late teens, early 20s?
        IF and I could be wrong, but if it is then the earlier it’s diagnosed the better because even though it’s not (yet) curable it is very treatable if you deal with it before it becomes severe. And there’s some fantastic group chats to join.
        Best of luck, which ever way it goes mate.

        Liked by 1 person

    • tara says:

      Ive had professional “ghost hunters” if you will investigate after i took pictures if orbs and pixie people that other people see in the pictures too. The EVP would go off and there were several entities i was supposedly communicating with. I saw several spirits a witch and goblins before italked to the ghost hunters. The voices are telling me frequently things to go along with them being spirits. They don’t harass me anymore or torment me. I hope others find this place if they persist.

      Whatever is causing these voices though they can’t all be taken as the same thing or source. Its probably a little dead relative telling us were ruining our lives, and hallucinations. But you don’t get clarity over which is which. So i think its Brest to know youre crazy then have spiritual awakenings.

      Like

      • tara says:

        More on EVP. After a voice told me to take pictures through reflections in mirrors. (DONT DO THIS!) I saw so many creatures all around me. There was a knocking on the front door that was fast and loud and my mother who doesn’t use heard it three seperate times. She actually started hearing voices after the EVP experiment. One night a Pyrex casserole dish exploded in the middle of the night with no cause. Everyone was asleep when it happened. I think when you mess with EVPs and recordings of substance abuse triggered voices it opens a dark gate or something that should not be F:#& with! We had to do several cleanses on the home itself to get rid of the unseen unwanted guests. Reading exorcism prayers day and night. I moved out and my mother is still dealing with the spiritual aftermath of what I caused when I listened to a Meth voice who wanted me to take a picture of him. This really happened. Its scary as all hell. I read my Bible more now for sure.

        Another thing that is odd is the premonitions. They would tell bad things were going to happen if i kept using and they really happened. Anyone else have this happen?

        Like

      • Ilva says:

        Can you share some of your pictures with us?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Jerome says:

          That’s a good idea, but I don’t think anyone except me can share images in the comments of this public wordpress blog.

          Tara, you can email me the pictures at viveirosjerome@gmail.com and I’ll post them. Especially the pixies. I wonder if they were really Smurfs? Were they blue? (I’m sorry, couldn’t resist.)

          Seriously though, if you have a family with a strong belief system in which witches, demons and so on are real, you can be very persuasive in convincing others that your hallucinations are real. Heck, it even works with dreams. I convinced my mother that I really saw ghosts and other strange things when I was a child. I even got my parents to move out of the house because they were convinced it was haunted.

          Here’s a thought… Try not to use meth, just for a week or so. See if you still experience those symptoms. Try it! Just stay clean for one week and report back here on whether or not you still have those experiences. I’m not asking for that much… back when I was using, I regularly abstained for a week so that I could test negative for meth. Staying clean for only one week is easier than you think, but the results of being clean for a week might also surprise you. Maybe even enough for cleaning up to become something you care about.

          Like

    • Johnny B says:

      Hey Brian, I had experiences similar to yours so I relate completely.
      Would like to chat/email as its taken me a longtime to get some kind of normality back yet I still have the harassing voices.If you know how to help resolve this I really want to know what you did.

      Like

    • davidwaite says:

      you are dead on you are not mentally ill check out targeted individuals sounds like the industrial military complex contractors are experimentng on you. the cia likes to do this look up mkultra and jones town masacre and cointelpro and a guy named dr robert duncan he is supposively a whistle blower anyway there not spirits they are flesh and blood or at least the person who programmed the computer that is fucking with you is

      Like

  10. Brian Edwards says:

    The thing is, others heard my evps as well and still do

    Plus I have several accounts of the same thing happening to some people that did EVP

    It’s usually not just voices but real physical sensations, even attacks as well

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      The power of suggestion can be a strong influence. There are plenty of videos of EVP and “ghost box” type voices on YouTube, and they often use the tactic of displaying subtitles… but if you listen without watching and reading the subtitles, you won’t hear the same words as anyone else.

      Maybe you should try recording the voices. Then have others listen to them independently, without any suggestion from you as to what they are supposed to hear. Then have them write down what they hear, and the point in time of when they hear it in the recording. If the EVP voices are real, they should be verified by others.

      I know little about EVP… this is just a thought.

      Like

    • tara says:

      please read my reply about EVP. I think this is some sort of demonic gateway that our curiosity encourages, but its not good. My mother who doesn’t use drugs at all started hearing voices after we had the phenomenon investigated. Not the never ending commentary and narration like I did, but children lauging, lights going on and off, crazed, panic sounding knocking on the front door on multiple occasions. We had to counter attack the spiritual attack that ensued after I went too far to find the “source” or “meaning” of my voices using recording devices and cameras. They say a potion is demonic from the start, so please be careful with your research.

      Like

  11. Brian Edwards says:

    I posted some other accounts here, but I have much more

    I’m convinced there’s more to some of these cases than tricks of the mind

    http://www.ufosdisclosed.com/community/threads/they-came-out-of-the-recordings.4345/

    Like

  12. Brian Edwards says:

    First I would just like to say, I don’t do EVP anymore, I quit after things went to Hell, but here’s one from last year

    it’s a simple one…most should hear it

    http://www.itcbridge.com/forum/attachment.php?id=6992

    Like

  13. aro says:

    My boyfriend was an addict for approx 20 yrs. He finally quit because voices scared the shit out of him. He cant even look at himself in the mirror because he says they comment on everything. We dont even have intercourse because he said they are watching. He says they hurt him and they know everything about him. He cant touch my atm card or a ything electronic because they will getmy info. Wtf this is too trippy for me. I cant help him and i dont think he will ever get better. Hes been clean for 3 yrs. Wtf.

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      That’s really sad. I met people like that when I was younger, but never understood how they got that way. And until recently, I thought that the voices disappeared for everybody who cleaned up. Clearly that’s not how it works and I was lucky.

      This kind of information is useful to others to try to prevent them from ever letting meth addiction take a hold of them, but for people like your boyfriend, maybe it’s too late.

      But maybe it can be treated? Otherwise, I can’t imagine how you can go on living with somebody like that. It sounds like the delusions have taken over… I remember when it was at its worst, the voices would be mocking me, and they “knew” everything about me. Even though I knew they weren’t real, on some level I became delusional and was afraid of saying things out loud, as if speaking any secret aloud would give the voices more information. It sounds like his experience is similar, but maybe permanent, and that must be horrible to live with.

      Like

    • Sal says:

      Hi Aro,
      I have been searching for help and answers and someone who could understand what I have been dealing with, and it looks like your bf is very similar to mine! When I met him 5 years ago I’d just left a 17 year abusive relationship and was a little vulnerable, marginally gullible and VERY naive. We were seeing each other for 12-18 months before I found out he was on speed!
      Anyway, that’s not overly relevant. He’d started saying he was being watched, or people were sneaking around his house. I asked him why? He said what do you mean ‘why?’. So I calmly asked him if he had upset anyone recently, or had he caused trouble, been in a fight, taken something that wasn’t his etc. He said no, nothing at all that I can think of? So I said ‘then thinking about it logically can you think of anyone or any reason why you’d be being watched, or spied on, or followed? He said maybe it’s because of the drugs? But I pointed out he was a small time user and not really relevant in the big bad world of drugs.
      I want to tell the whole story but you’ve got lives to live 😉 and I don’t know how to keep it simple 😁
      Basically, my guy had bouts of paranoid thoughts but nothing predictable, but he did soon lose his job, and his house, and if I hadn’t moved them in with me, he would have lost his son too. But being the good samaratin he got to keep his son, a roof over his head, food in his belly, and a doting (STUPID) girlfriend who spent all her money on him, starting taking drugs herself, and lost her own kids cos they moved in with their abusive controlling Father!!! Did I notice what was happening? Nope!!! I’m a fool.
      Anyway blah, blah, blah I decided to sell my house, close my business because surprisingly it wasn’t going too well, discussed it over with my bf and we agreed to buy a 4wd and a camper trailer take my youngest boy and his son and go travel around the country.
      But once the house was sold, my bf started acting odd again, but this time he heard voices. Specifically men’s voices in a room with me!!!
      It took nearly 12 months for me to see a pattern. I thought he was playing with me, then I thought he was possessed! At times he got scared and other times he got nasty and called me a slut or a whore? Then he started going walk about! No we’re not aboriginal but it’s the perfect way to express what my bf did. He’d decide in his head that everything was wrong and that he needed to move up to QLD. So, he’d just start walking and I’d have no idea where he was going,how long he’d been gone for, or if he’d come back?
      There is sooooo much more to this saga/ story, but the ending really sucks for me! He has now moved away to QLD, originally it was to do some repairs on a 4wd I had paid for the year before and he was going to drive it back home. That was nearly 9 months ago. He had decided to take a job that was offered whilst there, it wasn’t a permanent job…and said he’d give me half his pay each week to start proving to me he was the man and he would provide from now on.
      Well, he won’t talk to me about what is happening in his head, but he thinks I am the one who imagined what happened, but he must also think I’m evil because out of the blue he will insult me and get angry with me then act hurt and dumbfounded that I don’t want to come up and see him?
      I apologize this must be hard to follow, I’m trying to cram 5 years of hell into this in some sort of chronological order, and trying not to cry whilst I write it.
      So I’m not only broke, I’m now in debt, I have no income and each time I mention money he goes on weird arse on me and then becomes defensive but WILL NOT ANSWER MY DIRECT QUESTIONS!
      Sorry didn’t mean to yell just making a point 🤔😊
      I spoke to another guy who went through something similar so I asked if his memories of what happened are clear or foggy? He said definitely clear, almost tangible they’re that clear. I though Oh! Well then my bf must just been a prick? Then this guy said, ‘but, I’ve since been informed by several people that what I clearly recall and what actually happened are not the same!
      Like you, my bf thinks I’m the one talking the bs but I’m not!
      Thanks for your patience (if you’re still awake, lol)
      I gotta go pick up my daughter from the airport.
      I hope someone has some answers, explanations etc for me? Please!!!
      Cheers, Sal xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jerome says:

        Hey, it’s different for everybody. Megan and I were together for years while using, and she seems to remember very little. There were conversations when we first met, things we did together, time we spent… which for me came to define who I am and how I see myself in the world. I thought it was a mutual thing, but for her, it’s like none of it ever happened or meant anything. That’s what speed does, it fucks up your relationship in ways you never expect. It turns you against each other.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Sal says:

          Actually that last thing you said Jerome hit home for me. Too little too late, I did begin to notice that my bf only started to become delusional as he was coming down. I had started to call these delusional times ‘groundhog day’ because although they weren’t word perfect,he pretty much repeated himself, and by this stage I was worse than no help because his behavior triggered me and I went nuts! Either emotionally or I’d start driving really fast or I’d push him and slap him and tell him to get out of my house or out of my car etc. And he always had this dumb almost catatonic lifeless expression on his face, but he was never violent (but I’m ashamed to say, I was)
          I actually witnessed the transformation one day, and it was like watching one of those old scary movies. He was talking, asking questions and I was so relieved and happy with one of the things he said that I started to cry relief, happy tears. But my emotions could set him off too and I thought I was hallucinating. His eyes didn’t exactly roll back in his head, but they flickered or maybe the pupils dialated I don’t know, but in that instant his face sort of dropped, his expression became bland, his voice monotone and any empathy or connection with emotions just vanished!
          That’s when I started to think schizophrenia not substance psychosis 😢

          Liked by 1 person

  14. aro says:

    It is very difficult and i am basically just trying to help him out because no one else wants to. I know it must sound stupid of me but i feel sorry for him. I think he opened a can of worms with his meth use and now hes dealing with some type of spiritual world. They wont leave him alone, they are with him every minute talking to him. He trips me out because it appears that hes normal to others but he truely is not. I hope people reading this learn something because its not a joke. You will ruin your life and no one will want to deal with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. aro says:

    To add to this, he cant have the light on when taking a shower because they are watching. He cant work because they inflict pain. He cant be near me because they comment. He cant look in the mirror because they talk shit. He wakes up every morning and goes outside to listen to what they say. He swears that he preaches to them and tries to help them. He is basically my lost room mate that has mental problems I cringe when he is with me in public. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      I don’t know what else to say. It sounds like he may be schizophrenic. As far as I know, that isn’t curable, but is treatable. Feeling sorry for him is to be commended, but you can’t have much of a life with him. You can’t ever have a healthy, normal relationship, and raise a family… (Not knowing how old you are, that may not be important anyway.) But also you surely aren’t qualified to help him, while there are places and people who are.

      This may sound harsh, but I think you should get out of that relationship, maybe after getting him the help that he needs.

      Like

  16. Trisha says:

    I came across this blog while googling “hearing voices on meth.” I’m trying to educate myself on the subject because I’m desperately trying to figure out how to help my younger brother. We found out he had been using meth not too long ago and talked about getting him help but did just that, just talked about it. Over this past weekend, I found out how badly this drug has consumed him! He was fighting with the voices he heard, cursing, yelling, and claiming that I knew what they were saying about him and was upset that I wasn’t doing anything to help him! Scared the crap out of me because I’ve never experienced anything like this with anyone! I tried to calm him to try to understand what was going on and offered to help him following along with to not upset him more! He calmed down for a bit but then I could hear him in another room throwing things and fighting. He lives with my senior parents so I’m scared for their safety and his!

    A day later, while talking to my mother, they walked into one of his episodes and he went off on them, scared them and me to the point that I had to hang up to call 911! I thought he might hurt them and himself! Literally scared the shit out me! The f’n cops didn’t show for over two hours! WTF! When I got to my parents’ house he described what sounded like demons in the form and voices of family members, coworkers, neighbors, taunting him to the point of telling him to end, hurt himself! He came willingly to the hospital with me but they released him the next day with meds…issues being drug enduced! WTF! That’s it?

    I’m begging for advice on what I can do to help him! This is tearing our family to pieces seeing him like this and being afraid that he will hurt himself or others fighting these voices in his head! Unfortunately, can’t force him into rehab because he’s an adult!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      This is very sad. If you can’t convince him that the voices are in his head, and are caused by the meth, I don’t know what you can do. It would be best to do so, to make him understand that he needs to clean up and that going to rehab is the only way to do that.

      Is there no way you can get a court order for him to go to rehab? Here in South Africa, it is possible to do so, I think. It is safe to say that his behaviour is dangerous… he is a danger to himself and to your parents. Even if you have to get him arrested… Over here, people get sent to a government approved rehab in a “diversion program”, and complying with that program allows them to get off without a criminal record.

      Normally I advise addicts that they can clean up without rehab, as I did, but I can’t give you this advice about your brother. He doesn’t seem to understand what the drug is doing to him, and without recognizing that he is causing his own problems, there is probably almost no chance of him recovering without help.

      Like

    • Jerome says:

      If I were you, I’d research what the rehabilitation options are. Find a reputable rehab and ask them if there is any way to force someone to go, such as via a diversion program. I really don’t know what else to suggest.

      Like

    • aro says:

      I know what you mean about the scary rages. My babies father used to do that in front of his mother until they got a restraining order on him. Now hes at my house and i make it clear to him that he has to act right, go to the doctor for help or else he cant stay here. He trips me out.

      Like

    • Ida says:

      I’m in a similar situation. My brother has been an on/off user and diagnosed with severe acute depression and psychosis. Even when not using he has had terrible symptoms (highly critical, loud voices) and has been unable to work now for years. But I’m not sure he has even admitted his drug use to his doctors and counsellors. Or if the anti-depression drugs have been all that effective in countering the voices. Or if abstinence has been more effective.

      Trisha – I hope you’ve managed to help your brother. Its an awful situation – especially when the person suffering from the addiction and the terrible psychological side-effects doesn’t seem to want help…

      Trisha – if you want to compare notes – happy to pick up the conversation by email…

      Like

  17. Mr. Two says:

    h

    Like

  18. Mr. Two says:

    After all what is said and done, bottom-line is, the voices are telling you something: You are not well. It pays to heed the call.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Scot says:

    I have recently developed the same condition (hearing music and voices of those I know well regarding specific subjects) but have never done meth or any other drug (aside from alcohol). I think alcohol use and stress triggered mine. Aside from complete inability to sleep.. I am able to create complete songs out of the auditory bombardment.

    Like

  20. lifeseems says:

    I hear them after day 3+, but what is strange to me is that they never ever talk to me or acknowledge me in any way. It’s nothing like that at all, never has. It’s as if my brain is replaying random things I heard people say in the last week or so, and it sounds like they’re talking all around me. Like I worked the drive thru window at dq and one time after a binge, I had finally come down from my high and I was ready to crash, but the voices started in and if I closed my eyes or got even a tiny bit comfortable, theyd be louder. For HOURS it was a constant chatter of random voices, talking to each other, ordering food a certain way, etc. Nothing special, just like listening to a bunch of people talking from the other room, or the table next to you. Being loud and annoying. They always had to go away on their own, and sometimes that could take either hours or days.

    Being bipolar, I experience this anyhow, but they don’t bombard me or stick around like they do when I’m coming down.

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      That’s something like the way that started for me… At first it was random whispering in the wind or rain, then random voices just rambling on in the background for a long time… I don’t know how long; maybe it was like that for months, maybe a year. And then it progressed into something worse – voices that were not talking to me but about me, about my secrets, my drug habit, my fetish, how stupid I was etc… It became some kind of persecution complex and involved paranoia, plus I could not always tell what was real and what wasn’t.

      So I think your voices will most probably progress too. They seem to work that way.

      I can’t say for sure it it happened while I was coming down. I didn’t spend much time coming down, to be honest, because I always had more drugs to get high again.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. bbnewsab says:

    Very interesting “dialogue”. Do you mean there are always two “phases”? First, voices talking TO you; and second, voices talking ABOUT you.

    I wonder: Is this the way it always is? Or could it as well be the other way around? Or even both “phases” at the same time?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      I’d say there were three “phases”…

      First the voices were indistinct, like whispering in the wind or muffled voices at a live show, or sounds like voices in the rain, where no words could be made out.

      Then many voices, talking to each other, for a long time. I used to spend a lot of time in the house of a friend who spoke a lot, and I’d hear her voice, even when at my home, as if I was hearing what was going on in her house. (I began to wonder if I was psychic somehow, before realizing that the voices were in my head.) Very similar to the voices described by the previous commenter, where she worked in a drive-through, so she heard the sort of voices taking orders… she heard stuff that she was accustomed to hearing every day. So it’s an hallucination, hearing voices in other ambient sounds… a type of pareidolia where you find patterns where none exist, an audio version of seeing shapes in clouds and such.

      Then the next phase involves being paranoid and hearing the voices, which may or may not be voices of people you know, talking about you. This was as far as it got for me, and I didn’t have any voices talking directly to me. I also heard the voices of people at work talking about me, and sometimes couldn’t tell if it was real or not. (It was never real. All people are focused on themselves, not on watching somebody else. So it was developing into a paranoid delusion.)

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      Another thing I find interesting about her comment is that she says she is bipolar. I have my suspicions about often incorrect diagnoses of bipolar disorder in meth and crack addicts…

      Doctors are only human, after all, and if you go to them presenting symptoms of a known disorder, like bipolar disorder, they can and do misdiagnose your symptoms. Drugs like meth and crack cause “uppers” and “downers” that present themselves very much like the symptoms of bipolar disorder. In my opinion, many addicts with such diagnoses are not bipolar at all. (Either that or the drugs can eventually trigger bipolar disorder. I don’t know.)

      I noticed that when I was in rehab from end 2009 to about march 2010. There were many inpatients (too many) who were addicts but also had to see the nurse for their bipolar medication. I found this disturbing because they hung onto their diagnoses, which was made when they were using drugs by doctors who often did not know about the drug use, and this was credulously accepted by those who ran the rehab. My impression was that not enough was done to re-evaluate their diagnoses to determine if they really had the conditions like bipolar that they thought they did.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. bbnewsab says:

    Hi again! I just got a mail from Australia with this article: http://www.abc.net.au/news/health/inner-voices-we-asked-you-to-tell-us-about-your-inner-dialogue/7561810 .

    Maybe of some interest?

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Cassie says:

    I have been using meth for just over a year now. I have been hearing voices for about 8 months. I always feel like people are talking about me. Saying I am a bad person and have done or will do bad things. Sometimes they say I should kill myself which leads me to think of how many different ways I could kill myself. I started cutting myself and it just keeps getting worse. Sometimes I do yell at them but only to tell them to shut up or leave me alone. Course that never works. I also feel like I am talking out loud and sometimes I am sure that I am and can hear it but cannot actually feel myself talking. At the same time what I hear and what I am saying are actually different from each other as far as I can tell because every now and again when I think I hear it, it isn’t the same as what I have been listening to. What I have been listening to is other people say mean or bad things about me. When I think I hear myself I believe it is trying to get me to stop using. How do u know if you are talking out loud? Can ur mind be altered in a way that u can’t be sure?

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      Everything you think you hear is hallucinations, even if it is your own voice. At one stage when i first heard the voices, I’d hear something stupid that I’d said, repeated back at me for over an hour. Over and over again – it was like torture.

      What’s altering your mind is the drug. It causes the hallucinations, and they seem so real, it is difficult to know the difference. The problem is that after long enough, it could become permanent. Even when you know the voices aren’t real, you still react emotionally to them. This can lead to you becoming delusional, and suffering from psychosis.

      The only way to stop the voices is to stop using meth, sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it, the greater the probability that it can be permanent. Once that happens, you can no longer function normally, no longer socialize normally, and have no chance of a normal job and having a normal life. The voices should be taken seriously, as they serve as a warning about how dangerous meth is.

      I didn’t hear voices until I’d been using for about three years. The fact that you have them already is something you should be worried about.

      Another way of thinking about it is that the voices are your own mind, your conscience given a voice, punishing you and telling you what you already know but do not want to face – that you need to stop using meth before it’s too late.

      Like

  24. Sal says:

    From the stuff I’ve been researching, in regards to schizophrenia, bipolar, borderline and their variants,it’s called a dual diagnosis and they have to have certain criteria either way to be ‘labeled’! And Scot, yes alcohol can cause substance induced psychosis too! Actually I think, don’t quote me, that alcohol is the most likely followed by amphetamines etc etc.
    Has anyone here experienced the psychosis but not believed or been aware it was substance induced? And …. stubbornly refused to even consider that your ‘reality’ was not the same as anyone else’s?
    This is another issue I am dealing with atm with my bf. He won’t talk about ‘the past’ but he gets narky and changes back to the delusional him and ends our relationship and a whole lot of other stuff, like I’ve been abandoned financially by him, but the word ‘money’ seems to be yet another bloody trigger and then he shuts down and I get no money. It’s starting to take a serious toll on my survival and my sanity

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      I think if you just scroll up, you should find somebody who thinks the voices are real. If not, I have had comments like that before, as well as from people who appear both to know that the voices are in their heads and also to speculate about what the voices are trying to make them do. e.g. The voices want to make me quit meth.

      You also get people who think they are being mind-controlled…

      I once met someone who had no idea she was hearing voices… She thought she had super-hearing. Y’know, like Superman and Supergirl.

      Like

  25. Pingback: My emotional rollercoaster | Skeptical Exaddict

  26. andrea says:

    Looking for help. Our neighbors are heavy drug users, something like meth and/or cocaine. The smell residue can be felt around their apartment and in ours at times. They have been harassing us for no reason as well. From what it seems they maybe drug dealers as well, with large amount of drugs stashed in secret compartments. This has been affecting our lives as a child also lives with us and I am trying to find answers on how to deal with this. If anyone has any suggestions please help.

    Like

  27. Not addicted like all of you says:

    As a heavy user (yes addict) of meth daily for the past…. almost 6 years now, coming across this blog and all the comments, I now know that I’m NOT alone sufferIng the endless irritating onlookers with non stop comments about me using. Yes, my old pre meth-experienced, stupid, and having no right to judge me, still feeding my meth addiction and waiting for the “bad to happen”, knows very well that only bad shit will come from this, and since then later.
    Proudly meth addicted me still trying to reach the best high ever is “managing planned use of the most amazing chemical enhancement of my now amazing and so much better lifestyle” . Smoking mostly, slamming every now and then, and although the most amazing of the experience, prefer smoking meth above all. Use about 1-2g daily.

    More people than really should, know about my affinity for the meth experience, but when the thought crosses my mind I experience the possible shame and judgement that will await me should it ever become known. Thank god (oh yea, also not a fan of him anymore as well) I love, appreciate and plan my daily willing and forced (self) enslavement to this chemical.

    But I hear each and every comment written here, the thigh is, will I one day make a stupid decision and decide enough is enough, and silence come back again??

    Like

    • Not addicted like all of you says:

      Please be kind in the reply, I only wrote the text my mind created while “totally the best me” enhancemen rule the letters typed here….
      I do respect each and ever user who don’t use any more. At least you know what we all are talking about and won’t judge like I experience daily from being shamed by everyone as the find out about my “new” pastime!

      Like

  28. Hello my name is Shane and this topic really hits home with me because I’m an addict myself who is struggling to quit I’ve been doing this for about 7 years now and voice thing really affects me everyday i think my girlfriend’s cheating on me I think she’s next door I hear her i also always think everyones mocking me i se hear and smell things that ny gf tells me are not there at all i feel that everyones against me all the time its ruining my life and i need to quit what are some things i can do to keep myself positive while trying to quit and how pernanent can these affects be thanx

    Like

  29. Evelyn De La O says:

    My boyfriend hears voices, they say bad things about me and he believes them. It hurts because he truly believes I’m lying, he gets mad because I don’t hear the voices but he thinks I’m communicating with these voices. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

    Like

  30. N.O says:

    I never take Meth, just alcohol and cannabis, but I hear voices for 3.5 years, we have similar experience, they are 10+ intelligent beings who talk shit for 24/7. I lost my house, car, job, cat, love, family…everything, because of them!
    btw, I have extremely high “sensory, auditory and visual pareidolia”, just give me a random pattern (image or sound) and it’s live!, I can play vivid music in my head or see detailed movie in the clouds!

    I can’t say they are pareidolia, because they are intelligent, unlike random pareidolia voices.
    You need external stimuli to experience pareidolia, but I can hear them in silence as well!
    sorry for grammar, English is not my first language.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      Very similar to my experience though,, I was saying it seems to start with pareidolia, but once it’s got going, it doesn’t take much to keep it going. I too would hear voices even in silence afterwards, and I once had a pencil sketch that I’d done, where I “saw” numbers, as in numeric digits… all over the sky. Only for a couple of hours though and it never happened again. I’m sure the visual and audio hallucinations are closely related.

      It might be worthwhile to find out if there is something that can be done to treat it… Clearly you know that they are not real, but that doesn’t stop them from affecting you drastically. 😦

      Like

  31. Brian says:

    The voice’s took on multiple roles told me they were gaslighting me and it’s to get you off meth I could not come to any exeptable co existence and they would not discuss addendums fo9r month’s but t it gradually improved .after there focusing on the M use for month’s they said we don’t even know what that is Brian.They seemed OK with cannabis though ,I tried focus factor and asked how I could make them mellow out..they seem to be narratiing my thoughts less and or discussing them.There goal seems to be to convince me that they are not my mind as they say we are not you and not in your mind but real they say they are the stalkers and there’s nothing funny about meth induced psychosis I eventually got them to say of unknown type though. They have become less abusive knock on wood and they are quiet for days now my use has and is increasing because I am homeless and know were to go to recover. I tryed going to meth group it takes to much to get there which defeats the purpose noone showed up so it was unproductive. The doctor had said I am not delusional and or psychotic but its a endless battle to figure out if there are real people inducing this with tiny pictures in paterns they are helpfully and remind me your minds playing tricks on you and were the only ones gaslighting You and or were the subconsiese task force unit or police dept. Of of your mind or were just fcking With you Brian.

    Like

  32. Zachary o. Inlow says:

    Hey! I really, really love this string.
    Its so funny, interesting, and definitely at this moment cathartic as fuck.

    I’m 22, been an addict in many ways, but of recent I’ve been using….
    And due to bad choices and poor coping skills I decided to go spinning..

    Well, just about any time I’m alone, and it fuckin helps the nerves to take some space, I started hearing voices too …. This started a few months ago and progressed. Any time I decided to get high….
    And man oh man… Same shit I hear along with all the other great stories

    Fuckin motherfuckers don’t tend to want you to be spun
    Critical as fuck , and I believe that all of it is shit we hold against ourselves… No matter how mundane.. Or cocky we get back at the stupidity of criticality … I mean fuck, we tend to pretend were big when we hear some shit we think we ourselves were dum. As fuck for and don’t do anymore ( not, gotta listen close as fuck to yourself and you might notice…)

    Fuck they got wild …

    Usually a Fuck in mix of people you knew ( their voices , or ill say… At least if someone is reading and still feeling unsure about them)

    I mean I had one girl start describing me masturbating (Tmi, I know)
    So I thought, “Fuck! They Fuck in put cameras in here?! Fuck them, this shits expensive and I shouldn’t be doing anyway, I’m going for gold!”

    And of course, generally the intention that most repeatedly was put out was, they’re gonna make you hurt.

    So after smoking to much more because I had no rig ( thank god, might have died at that point)

    This girl… Who I believe just a CUNT of a neigbbor ,by that time,
    Starts trying to tease and joke with me while I’m trying to look at porn , hand occupied, and trying ( paranoid as fuck) to not be heard by anyone else.

    Well, I’m so fucked up, I’m listening and start laughing and making jokes here and there , often gesturing without displacing my hand,

    I mean… Wow, it was a tragic comedy…

    Besides that, which I would like to say that I’m down enough and half a beer in… Besides checking out with councillor.. Addict free(ish)… I mean addictions are not just one, they transform and seems to be rooted in your whome behaviour…

    I was wondering, if you get a chance to respond, if you shoot me some advice on healthy hobbies?/or activity or a kinx of lifestyle thing ( god, not to over complicate but… Like how your posting this very blog … Whi h lets you share your expeirence And connect with others )
    What’s the mental idea that helped you choose? Or decide this is what I need or would like?
    Really would appreciate , thanks for sharing this, such a great source of joy.

    Like

  33. Michael says:



    I know you may not be religious but this IS brought on by Satan and the Demons. They play these kinds of tricks on people and drugs is one way they enter our brain/body. Drugary is a form of spiritism and opens up the way for them to enter your life. I’ve personally experienced voices, which turned into visions and seeing spirit creatures – even having nights where I was picked up, spun around or even held down in my bed and Calling on the name of Jehovah God in spirit and truth, that Jesus is Michael The Archangel our king and redeemer, is what helped me. He can and will help you fight off these wicked spirit creatures and expel the demons from your life. You need to quit using drugs as well so Holy Spirit can work in your life and pray to God for help and he will help you. I couldn’t leave my home, I was on the verge of loosing everything in my life and Jehovah God helped me to regain control, get off drugs and put my life back in order. Thanks to him I have my wife and child back and I did not lose my job! God’s kingdom is coming and it will provide us righteous rulership. Jesus proved he can cure the sick, feed the hungry and even restore life back to the dead. Have faith in him and he can restore the damage done to our brains from drug addiction and demonic attacks. I pray you all get help and heal.


    Edit: Bullshit comment is bullshit. Please don’t pay attention to the idiot.

    Jerome

    Like

  34. Jay Huff says:

    MMmman….I cant believe i read that dudes whole religious comment…anyways, ya know what I noticed in my situation? Well even though my chick would like sit there and like completely zone out like she was….I guess like someone else had her attention even though no one was in the room. She heard voices ALWAYS, said that it was me communicating with her telepathically……this caused SOO many fights, cause I cant control what this bitch hears in her head ya know? We’d be chillin happy, then shed zone out for a few mins, start shaking her head, and BOOM!! Instant fight cause I said this to her, or called her so-in-so’s name instead of hers, or thought i was talking to another girl but it was really her tricking me…SMH…man it was horrible…But anyways, like I was saying, for me, unless I was SUPER high, and on like at least day 3 of no sleep, the only time i would hear things like you describe is if I was actually listening for them. Like a dog would bark, so I’d sit quietly and listen all tweaked out, and eventually I would hear stuff, which is weird cause I heard stuff in silence, if there was noise itd keep me occupied or something i guess…Allthough after being up a few days I would often talk to myself, answer my own questions directed at me, talk in rhymes etc….but ya..dope is craaazy shit man.Glad to hear your over it.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Scott Patrick says:

    I just recently started experiencing this same phenomenon exactly the same way as you describe. As I was reading your blog and all the comments the voices started to fade away. Now I know what I’m dealing with. I’ve decided that I have to stop again and refocus on recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Alex says:

    Hello,

    Thank you for your article it has been enlightening for me and I’m glad I found it. Also this seems like an appropriate forum to ask a question that I desperately need the opinion of someone that has had more experience with this then I have had myself.

    I have been a recreational meth user for about the last year. At first it was occasionally here and there, and more recently it has been weekly, but never more than twice a week. I also have always used in a PNP sexual situation.

    5 days ago I was partying with two friends, both of whom I have known for a couple of months so I feel I know them pretty well and I felt I could trust them.

    I had basically a GHB/Date Rape experience that same evening. While I didn’t hear voices I definitely recall bits and pieces of what can only be called a gang bang while I was powerless to participate or resist in anyway.

    Now my recollection and personal knowledge says GHB/Ruffie/Date Rape. I also have friends that I have given all the details and specifics to that agree with me. I have also been told that a meth hallucination would be what you described or possibly similar to an LSD/Acid Trip.

    The friends that I was with insist that my gang bang recolection is nothing more than a hallucination and that I’m running with something that never actually happened.

    I haven’t had anything stronger than coffee since the evening in question. I feel fine. I don’t know if I’ll ever PNP again but for now I’m just taking a break.

    As a group with more experience than I have had is a gang bang a likely first and only hallucination? I need to try and get a grip on what happened to me. Also, I’m not interested in reporting this to the authorities. But I don’t want to cut a friend out of my life if nothing happened, but I also can’t have someone around me if the likely hood is that they did do this to me without my consent.

    I am coming to the realization that I’m probably never going to know the truth about that evening but I could really use some advice from someone with more knowledge and experience than I have myself.

    Thank you in advance for your response

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jerome says:

      It’s hard to say. I never experienced an hallucination like that. For me it was hearing voices, or seeing things out of the corners of my eyes. Or I could stare at a wall or some inanimate object and see some small object or movement that wasn’t real. But an entire gang bang seems out of the ordinary.

      It’s possible, if you could be so out of it, you started hearing voices or sounds of a gang bang going on and in your confused state not be certain what was real and what wasn’t. I know when I stayed awake too long, things started to seem surreal, and people could take advantage of me. But at one stage in my first year of using, I heard my girlfriend having entire conversations that weren’t real. And she imagined some woman (a poltergeist) who wanted to do things to her, when I wasn’t around. You could be in a state where you are almost dreaming while awake, at the point of crashing but somehow going on, like a zombie. I can’t be sure.

      But whether it happened or not, consider that you were so far out of it, you could have been raped and would have been powerless to prevent it. Also, if you did report it, you’d probably have a tough time convincing anybody, especially if you are unsure.

      It isn’t unusual for meth addicts to take advantage of each other. How can you be certain that you trust these people?

      I’m not really sure what advice to give, except that you need to be more careful. Being in a situation where you are compromised to the point where you’re no longer sure what’s real and what isn’t can’t be safe or healthy.

      Like

    • Jerome says:

      Also, I had to Google PNP…
      if anyone else wants to know: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_and_play

      I’m not qualified to answer (maybe someone else who reads this can help?)… and still my only advice is to be careful. Maybe try not to be too strung out, sessions lasting for more than a day can bring on sleep deprivation and lead to more severe hallucinations. I always found that I had more control if I slept a little every night – even just for an hour or two… otherwise it’s really unpleasant to be in a strange place, with strange people, when you’re coming down and paranoid.

      I wonder why meth is the drug of choice for PNP sessions?

      Like

    • Jerome says:

      I asked some friends… And one sent me a private message with the info that

      my point as more that guy might have been raped cause roofies make you blank in and put and cooperate with people you normally wouldn’t.

      So maybe you were raped.

      Her final comment is this…

      You were likely raped. But you can’t prove it. Get tested and hopefully you are OK. If so, let this be a warning not to put your life and health in others’ hands, and to clean up your act across the board before you really regret it.

      Like

      • Alex says:

        Hello Jerome,

        Thank you for the reply and for your opinion.

        I guess I just needed some feed back from an independent, non biased person.

        I did see my medical doctor yesterday, I also went to an NA meeting last night, and I’m seeing a therapist this afternoon.

        6 days clean.

        Thanks for your blog. I appreciate it and your time.

        Liked by 1 person

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