I can’t think of a title but I’m tired so fuck it

I’m starting to gain a far greater appreciation for the hardships of single mothers, while simultaneously getting increasingly annoyed with one mother in particular.

As you may know, I’ve been raising my son alone for a few years now… but there is a difference between looking after one child versus two. I don’t want to go into too much detail, because she hates it when I write about her… but I will write this: Their mother was only supposed to be away (1 400km away) for a couple of days, but has been away for more than ten days.

She arranged a domestic worker last weekend, but this past weekend I was on my own. I have only ironed clothes for the next three days in the hope that she shows up soon. The thing is, as much as I love both children, this isn’t fair… Aishah wears a lot of tights, and her clothes are packed haphazardly into a few drawers. I can’t tell the difference between tights and pajama pants, or tops vs pajama tops. Every day is a mission to figure out what she can wear, and also she has long hair nearly down to her bum… If it weren’t for the fact that I used to have long hair myself, I don’t know how I’d help her get those knots out… (Not to mention all the other stuff that must be done every day… Ensuring both children have clean, dry clothes, making supper for both of them and myself, making sure the six year old baths while her brother is old enough to do that on his own, making lunch for both of them for school, and so on.)

This past weekend I bought her a Shopkins doll house, a bunch of Petkins, and a new teddy bear… which she now sleeps with as it’s her new favourite. But even with new toys, she insisted on every waking minute to be time to play with me. She’s good at Solitaire now (with real cards I bought her) though she lacks patience and refuses not to cheat, but also plays hide and seek… and this new game which involves us hiding the Petkins all over the flat and taking turns finding them.

I’m not complaining… I love this little girl as much as her brother, and she is happy – the most important thing. But I’ll be 48 in October and honestly this is much more tiring than I could have predicted. We have started getting into a routine though, and it has begun to feel normal.

Of course all this has happened at the worst possible time for me at work – I’m under the most pressure I’ve ever had at this employer… A colleague was fired, and now the work he did not complete must be rewritten. We have a deadline for the end of this month, an amount of work that would be given 4 to 6 months at any former employer where I worked.

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