Anyone out there having suicidal thoughts? Glad you are still here…

I shared this one on Facebook and received not one reaction, so maybe it belongs here instead. I’m not going to go into much any more detail here than I did there, because reasons… So the text that follows is verbatim what I wrote on the status, together with the image. I’ll block quote it so the typeface is different to this one…

Uh… In 2010 when she-who-shall-not-be-named ran off the day before we were supposed to get Josh back, I admitted to having suicidal thoughts.

That was used against me by my own extended family, who pushed for child welfare and getting him into foster care because I was “obviously not ready to care for him”. And they succeeded, partly because relapse and being high was a better option than suicide and being dead.

That was my “support structure”. That’s what I had to deal with in my journey out of addiction. I thrived in the end despite “help”. But to this day, if ever I have suicidal feelings, I dare not admit it, because I guarantee they would try to use it against me again, and take my son away from me again.

I’ve had Josh back since 2015… but it’s worth sharing all the same. There are people who will use your depression against you, and then boast to all and sundry how they helped you.

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I guess my message here is simple… Life can be shit. And people will kick you when you’re down, then gaslight you after you get up again, dismissing everything you’ve achieved yourself while trying to take credit for helping you up when they did not. Fuck them. You’re always on your own when it comes down to it; although sometimes it’s less obvious than others. But if I can get up, if I can keep going despite it being tough, so can you. keep it up.

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