Why I don’t care to get in the last word

I took part in an amusing Facebook comment thread the other day and I figured it would be a good point to use to express why I don’t make any effort to “get in the last word” on comment threads.

I’d shared an image, posted by an American conservative commentator (a woman) showing three young women wearing #HimToo shirts, with the question, “What is this shit?”

One man commented a couple of times, once with some asinine comment about facts, and another to say they have more balls than me. As I understand it, #HimToo is a response to #MeToo… It takes balls to frame victims as being wrong, and defend the abusers (men) who have the power? I’m sorry, but that makes no fucking sense. It doesn’t take strength to defend the strong and oppose the weak. Hell, it doesn’t take much to defend the weak against the strong either, especially for a white male like myself who isn’t directly affected… just some empathy and a little basic human decency. But at least I try. Seriously, it doesn’t take much if this is their response. Childish insults, really? I’ll feel threatened if someone points a loaded gun in my face. (It’s been done before. I was an addict and was at one stage involved with some dangerous people. It puts these things into perspective.) Some words on the internet somewhere are not going to get to me.

So I replied sarcastically to say something like the above, something about what #HimToo is and how it does not take strength to side with those who have power. And I saw via a notification that the guy commented again. Whatever for? When you’re wrong, you’re wrong. It doesn’t matter how many ways you rephrase your wrongness. It’s still fucking wrong, and to be frank, this #HimToo movement is obscene. So… call me weak for siding with feminists; tell me I have no balls, call me an idiot; I really don’t give a fuck. I said what I needed to say and my view is perfectly clear. I have no need to respond further. I’m not even curious as to what his last comment might be. It just doesn’t matter.

So that’s the way it is. If I stop responding to your arguments, you can feel good about it if you like. You put it the last word. Congratulations. But know this: Everybody who reads your nonsense arguments knows how wrong you are.

I spent some time on Google yesterday and read some articles to try getting an understanding of why people feel that they need to get in the last word. They all seem to agree that it’s about ego. But I don’t think so. It seems more like insecurity to me. If your argument is good and clearly right, nothing more needs to be said. You might feel like it gives you some kind of power to go on and keep commenting, but it really doesn’t. It only shows how wrong you are.

Edit: I really don’t like this post so much. It isn’t fair to #metoo to write about this and then make it all about me. This was supposed to be about why I don’t try to put the last word in, but maybe using #himtoo as an example was a poor choice? Perhaps I will try to write on that subject specifically, with the focus on women and victims, as it should be… Then again as a man I am hopelessly unqualified to write about feminism – I don’t think  men can ever fully understand such issues, so this subject is really challenging to tackle in a way that does it justice.

5 thoughts on “Why I don’t care to get in the last word

  1. I think white supremacy and male supremacy are two sides of the same coin.

    White (Caucasian) people are mostly Christians. And if – which is also very often the case – Christianity preaches misogyny (a view based both on the Mosaic law AND on the Pauline letters in the New Testament), then many Christian white men become misogynists, especially if they belong to the political conservative and/or alt right movement. That is, the same groups that voted most ardently for president Trump in the American presidential election

    What troubles me is the fact that even many conservative and/or alt right movement women seem to agree with their husbands. Can the explanation be that those women learn from an early age that it’s morally good to obey an authority (read: a man) and submit to his (most authorities ARE men) will?

    Cf. the tenth commandment in which you are forbidden to covet the goods of your neighbor: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s” (Ex 20:17)..

    It’s rather clear, at least in my eyes, that a wife (a woman) is something – not somebody – that is possessed by the husband (the man). The wife is mentioned in the same sentence as a donkey.

    Maybe this is someting to write a post (or more) about, Jerome?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I think misogyny is rife among Christians.
      But not only Christians, interestingly, so I’m not too sure of that correlation between religious belief and the right. I always thought there was one…

      We had a falling out here in our main local atheist Facebook group, South African Atheists… too often men there have repeated rape culture rhetoric, as well as white supremacist crap like the imaginary “white genocide” here. But it went too far with all the rape stuff and #metoo posts trending. It reached the point of victimization of members, and a couple of my friends, who happened to be moderators of the group, left and formed their own new progressive group. (I’m a “founding member”, whatever that means.)

      So the lines are blurred… there is plenty of misogyny as well as hatred even in atheist communities.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Another surprise… two of my friends who have said things that came across borderline misogynistic, one in South Africa and one in the US, are not only atheists, but gay. So the idea that they view women as property doesn’t make sense. Also it always surprises me when gay people can be prejudiced or otherwise bigoted… One would expect that anyone who grew up on the receiving end of homophobia would develop some kind of empathy for victims of similar prejudice, but that is often not the case. People are more complex than my expectations and often are beyond my understanding…


  2. Of course the correlations are more complex than my simplified “hypothesis” says..

    But it’s a undeniable fact that many atheists often are brought up in religious homes.

    As a matter of fact we were all born to believe in magical & supernatural explanations. Here is a good blog post bt Valerie Tarico explaining why it is so: https://valerietarico.com/2018/10/09/the-human-mind-is-wired-for-magical-thinking/ (BTW, I noticed you have already liked her post, Jerome; thumbs up for doing so).

    So misogyny can, in a way, be a matter of both nature and nurture.Or, to put it in other words: Both evolution and Sunday schools might be the culprits here.

    I’ve never heard of any religion without mysogynist attitudes. Even in the Amazonas and Papua New Guinea you find such attitudes.

    Terrible things are happening almost on a daily basis in India and other Asian countries as well. So Hinduism or Islam. Or Judaism or Christianity. Or in atheistic communities. It doesn’t really matter much. Misogyny rules.

    You have probably heard of the physicist Lawrence Krauss (a leading atheist). Or read more here: https://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/2018/03/10/the-lawrence-krauss-affair/ . So misogyny can be found anywhere. But – and so says/goes my hypothesis – more often in religious communities. Nobody is immune to the religious poison.

    Liked by 1 person

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