I don’t normally share the writing of others, but in a moment between other things, in between changing some blog settings and checking out the new “improved experience” of managing comments (which is not improved at all, since the bulk edit can only manage 20 comments at a time and there is no Empty Trash button like the old interface – which always times out for me anyway rather than actually working)… in my frustration I randomly perused the list of people who follow this blog.
And I found an interesting one. This is heartbreaking. It’s the story before the story of the beginning of her foray into crystal meth addiction. She doesn’t go all the way and get to the start of her own meth use, which makes it all the more moving. Like me, she started with a relationship, falling in love with an addict without even realizing that she was depressed. It doesn’t explain what probably happened – that she inevitably eventually tried meth herself, and that it seemed to be the answer for her problems at the time, seemed to save her from her depression and empty life. Until it led to a life far worse than the one it replaced.
What makes the piece all the more poignant is that her blog stops quite abruptly not long after… ending on an ambiguous poem and negative note that leaves me wondering if she’s OK, if she, a woman who clearly is a good person and is unlike any of the stereotypes that thoughts of meth addicts conjure up for most… is alive and well, or if she is even alive. I dwell on her words where she fondly but regretfully recalls how she used to have her own flat and car in London, and used to attend gym three times a week. Her words imply, perhaps without a conscious intent, a time long gone and a life long gone, things (and a normal life) that she believes she may never have again.
People tend to pigeonhole meth addicts according to the TV tropes and internet memes familiar to all… Junkie scum, no good, trailer trash and so on… Her blog is a grim reminder that those tropes and memes are often not based on reality, and good, decent people can get sucked into addiction quite unexpectedly. And sometimes they disappear. Sometimes they die or are forgotten. I hope she isn’t one of those lost to it. It doesn’t seem fair.