My annoying and scary dreams

Every night I have long and vivid dreams, many of which are nightmares. I don’t often remember them, but since this one stood out, I thought it might be worth sharing…

So imagine this scenario:

  • You wake up in a soundproofed van. You’re naked and shackled at the feet.
  • Beside you is a woman (let’s assume you’re male), also naked and shackled.
  • To the outside of each of you is a diving knife.
  • You receive one instruction from your captor: Fight to the death, and you will be allowed to live. Refuse and you die.

Sounds similar to those awful Saw movies? I don’t know how similar, because I only watched the first one. Anyway, I figured this was a dream, and woke up right away, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about the awful dream. What would you do? And what if the situation were slightly different? No knife, but the instruction to rape her and live… refuse and you die. Would you do it?

I wouldn’t, but I don’t know what I would do. I tried to think about escape, cooperation with the other victim, etc. Of course, there’d be no guarantee that your captor would set you free even if you complied.

Oddly enough, this was in a way simpler than my normal nightmares. In them, I don’t figure out it’s a dream, and they go something like this:

  • I’m at work. I have to develop an application of some sort, and demo it by the end of the day.
  • If I miss my deadline, my job is on the line. (Totally unrealistic, but that’s the reality in the dream; so I’m stressed out and believe it’s real.)
  • To finish the application, I must solve an incredibly complex and contrived, impossible problem.
  • But the nature of the problem is like this: For every step I make towards solving it, three new problems arise, all of which are just as mind-bogglingly complex as the original problem.
  • Each of the new problems leads to even more problems.
  • Each of the new solutions I come up with not only lead to exponentially increasing more problems, they also undo all the work on the previous and original problem.
  • So it works out that the more I concentrate and the harder I work, the further I get from solving anything.

And that is one of my normal nightmares. I can’t explain just how much that sucks. Upon waking from such a dream, I feel like I haven’t slept at all. I wake up tired from concentrating and trying to solve unsolvable problems.

Incidentally, the above is kind of how it feels to write computer programs under the influence of methamphetamine. Maybe the nightmare is inspired by memories of tweaking… I don’t know. But I hate those dreams. At least I don’t have using dreams any more. I haven’t had one of those for several months.

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About Jerome

I am a senior C# developer in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am also a recovering addict, who spent nearly eight years using methamphetamine. I write on my recovery blog about my lessons learned and sometimes give advice to others who have made similar mistakes, often from my viewpoint as an atheist, and I also write some C# programming articles on my programming blog.
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