These are the top meth-related searches that got here in the last few days

Crystal meth causes pantyhose fetish?

(I added the question mark.) No, it doesn’t. The drug doesn’t cause you to have a fetish. A fetish is an attraction characterised by an object or action that isn’t itself of any sexual significance, and normally starts in your childhood. It’s mostly harmless, for example some men have foot and shoe fetishes. I have an odd fetish myself, in that since my childhood, I have been attracted to the sight of pretty girls smoking cigarettes. (I don’t know why I have the fetish, which preceded my addiction by many years. And it’s neither a blowjob fetish nor an oral fixation. It’s the actual sight of of a girl taking a drag or lighting up.) Anyway, many people have fetishes, and normally they aren’t a problem. I imagine a pantyhose fetish is quite harmless, assuming the pantyhose are attached to a pair of beautiful female legs…

Of course meth involves tweaking, which I define as an abnormal psychological fascination with something, and it could be anything. So you might very well tweak on your fetish. A fetish becomes harmful when taken to extremes or when the time spent on it is excessive.  Obviously, a sexual fetish that consumes all or most of your time with masturbation rather than actually having sex is not good. So is a fetish that causes you to have excessive and painful sex, or that involves something that may be harmful to you or your partner while having sex. That may very well happen when meth is involved.

What causes a human to hear non existing voices while on crystal meth?

(Again I had to add the question mark.) Nobody knows exactly what happens, but suffice it to say it is an effect of the drug on your brain, and something you should take seriously. I’ve written about this before… since I’m writing this offline and only saved the top searches text to disk, I can’t link to the post, but it’s there on the right, in the top posts section.

The bottom line is that once the voices start, they get progressively worse as long as you continue to use meth. The only way to make them stop, is to stop using meth. Not slow down, not use less, not take a break for a while – stop completely and never use again. The good news is that after you stop, the voices do disappear completely, and you can live a normal life without any permanent brain damage. (But the difficult part is stopping. You’re addicted to the state of mind that comes with tweaking, and even the voices in your head may not be a sign that you take seriously enough to consider cleaning up. They should be.)

Does meth change your voice?

Again, no question mark… Indeed it does.

  1. The most obvious change is when you are really high, besides talking too much, you talk in a funny high pitch. I used to think that my girlfriend sounded cute when we were high. I mean ten years ago… I have since changed my mind. We just sounded stupid.
  2. Meth makes you anxious and edgy, causing you to overreact to anything that might provoke an emotional response, and a whole bunch of things that shouldn’t. So meth users in groups often shout at each other. I have some neighbours (in a complex) whose behaviour the last few days/nights made it obvious that they were on drugs. I was one of several people to complain, and those neighbours will not be around much longer. (Good riddance.)
  3. With frequent use, instead of speaking fast or in high-pitched voices, later in the day or after being awake for a few days, you speak more slowly. You sound half asleep, lazy and stupid.
  4. A dry mouth, including dry lips and dry tongue, is common when using meth. (As well as dehydration in general.) This also affects your voice. You might tend to pronounce your vowels strangely, while speaking either in the fast high-pitched voice or the slow, drawling voice.
  5. You might experience random muscle “laziness” while on meth. This affects your tongue as well. I do not know how much of this causes the squeaky voice or the slow voice…

All of the above affect your voice when you use meth. Not all simultaneously, but three out of five isn’t unusual. So you may very well speak in a fast, squeaky voice while you have a dry mouth and a lazy tongue. It sounds fucking retarded, and doesn’t look much better, as you awkwardly express your verbal diarrhoea with dry speckles of spit on your cracked lips.

No energy while using meth

Meth takes a few days to deplete all the dopamine in your brain – at least it uses up the dopamine faster than your brain can produce more. When you reach that point, another hit can not keep you awake any longer and eventually you will fall asleep right there with the meth pipe full of meth in your hand. (And if you didn’t burn and melt the crystals against the glass, they will fall out. Then later you will tweak on picking up the bits of crystal off the floor or bed. Good luck, and I’m glad I’m not you. But I’m not always happy to have such a vivid and detailed memory of those years though.)

But anyway, meth never gives you energy. It floods your brain with dopamine, making you feel good, and feel alert. But you aren’t really alert. To an observer, a meth addict who has been awake for more than a day or two is incredibly delayed. You take hours to do anything – or more likely nothing. You become overly fascinated with doing some meaningless and repetitive task, and tweak on that task. You look like a zombie, as you waste all your time on pointless activities but feel energetic. (Make no mistake, that state of mind of being obsessed with whatever you are doing while you are delayed and tripping yourself stupid for hours on end, is what you call “energy”.)

So maybe you searched because you’ve reached that point where the meth can’t “wake you up” any more, but the sad truth is that meth never gives you energy. Even when it feels like it does, the reality is that you are delayed most of the time, you look like a zombie and an idiot, and you are probably a burden on everybody else in your life.


To conclude, this post contains several warnings about how harmful methamphetamine is to you. You would be wise to take these warnings seriously, and get help. Nobody offered me advice like this while I was using.

Everything written here is written from personal experience, and the consequences of my addiction were severe. I hate that I remember this shit so vividly. I hate having to identify as someone who was an addict. I hate constantly reminding myself how bad it was, because in a way, when I do so, it feels like I can’t let go of my past – even though I desperately want to put it behind me for good. On the other hand, reminding myself of all the bad shit helps ensure that I will never go back there again.

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About Jerome

I am a senior C# developer in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am also a recovering addict, who spent nearly eight years using methamphetamine. I write on my recovery blog about my lessons learned and sometimes give advice to others who have made similar mistakes, often from my viewpoint as an atheist, and I also write some C# programming articles on my programming blog.
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4 Responses to These are the top meth-related searches that got here in the last few days

  1. Sal says:

    Jerome, when you said that you tried talking about the fun times you remember, with your ex, but she said she didn’t know what you were talking about…? Were you hearing the voices then, and any paranoia like being watched, followed, spied on etc And, was she experiencing any delusion and or paranoia?
    I only ask because my b/f refuses to talk about what happened, yet he really dislikes me when I can see he is thinking about what happened.
    I was told, I think I’ve mentioned this, by a young man who had hallucinations and was convinced he was being followed etc that he vividly recalls everything that happened, but his family and friends informed him otherwise.
    I just don’t know how to get my b/f to accept this?
    Because the delusions and hallucinations are generated from or stored in? the same part of the brain (I think it’s the amygdal region,) as our normal every day events, then it’s virtually impossible for anyone to believe their memories are not real!
    But, I’m being selfish because I just want him to love me again and not hate me for crimes I not only didn’t commit, I don’t even know what they are???

    Like

    • Jerome says:

      No, I was writing about before I heard voices. My ex does remember those times, but there are some details that she appears to have lost… Times we spent together, conversations we had about getting married and so on when we were first together and very high… stuff that was important to me because it was when I fell in love with her. For me it was the foundation of our relationship… because we were otherwise very different in that I was 34 and she was 16. (But I wasn’t thinking clearly. There’s no way I’d be interested in a teenage girl nowadays.)

      So it wasn’t about hallucinations, but there could be a large degree of false memory involved for both of us. False memory is an interesting subject – I think you can find some writing about it by Steven Novella. Basically, we only store fragments of what we remember, and in the process of recalling those memories, our brains build a narrative around the fragments when putting them back together. So in the process of recalling memories, we actually change them. The changes then become incorporated into the memories, and the next time we recall those memories, there is no way to tell the difference between the genuine memories and the false ones that were introduced while recalling them. The bad news is, that’s how normal memories work, and so memories are notoriously unreliable.

      On meth (and this is my conjecture) it is even worse. We are prone to staying awake for days at a time. When we do that, our brains are less effective at storing memories. So our memories are even more fragmented than normal. Memories and the narratives we build around them are also tied to our emotions, and we build those narratives emotionally based on what our moods were at the time. So we have fragmented memories tied to moods (which we messed with by taking a mood altering drug) and we only ever see things from our own point of view. The overall result is that two people will remember the same times quite differently. That always happens anyway – on meth it is worse. So I think our memories of our times on meth can’t be trusted as much as we think they can.

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