Trying to alleviate my boredom by writing

This post will not be interesting. I’m bored. So bored. I’ve done nothing today, nothing but mostly sit around.

This morning, I went to the shops to buy a present for my niece, and found a Lego set that she doesn’t have. And that’s about all I did for the whole day. At Greenstone Mall Hamley’s, they have a great Darth Vader figurine. It’s only R500, which isn’t much compared to the R4000 I spent on my Man Of Steel figurine a year ago. I almost bought the one today, but have nowhere to display it, so it will gather dust like Superman…

This afternoon, while I made myself a cup of tea, I looked out the window. There’s an old woman who lives in the complex, who was pressing the buzzer to be let in. She doesn’t work and stays with her mother. Apparently she’s been gone since 6:30AM yesterday. She has that look, the generic look of thousands of old women (don’t know how old) who are addicted to alcohol and crack cocaine. I just carried on making my tea and pretended not to see her. I could’ve fetched my remote and opened the gate for her, but why bother?

It occurred to me how grateful I am not. When I used to go to NA meetings, there’d always be people who introduced themselves as “grateful recovering addicts”. And maybe I should be. I mean, I could be just like that stupid old bag, going out and standing begging at traffic lights all day, then sitting with crack dealers all night. But I’m not. And I have myself to thank for that. Not god, not a higher power… myself, motivated by those whom I love.

Unlike she, who sponges off her poor old mother, I take care of mine. How different we are, and yet, I have myself to thank for my good fortune, and she has herself to blame. It’s hard, on days like these, to empathise with those addicts who aren’t clean. Sometimes I care and sometimes I don’t. Today, I don’t care for people like her at all.

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About Jerome

I am a senior C# developer in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am also a recovering addict, who spent nearly eight years using methamphetamine. I write on my recovery blog about my lessons learned and sometimes give advice to others who have made similar mistakes, often from my viewpoint as an atheist, and I also write some C# programming articles on my programming blog.
This entry was posted in Addiction, Methamphetamine, Recovery and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Trying to alleviate my boredom by writing

  1. maybe not interesting to you… but it’s all good. 😌

    Liked by 1 person

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