A scary thought about all those addicts who haven’t been able to stay clean.

I’m tired and will hit the sack early tonight, but before I do I want to write this while the idea is still fresh…

Recently I Facebook-friended someone who was in rehab with me a few years ago (end 2009 to beginning 2010), and was surprised to find that he is not clean. I’ve also received several friend recommendations for people who have common friends with me, where the common friends all stay near that rehab and were there with me in 2010.

I can safely assume that the reason they all know each other is that they went back to rehab, and that makes me sad. I promised myself that I would never go back to rehab, no matter what. And I kept that promise despite the fact that I did relapse and return to active addiction for a long while – the start of 2011 to September 2013.

So I’m not judging those people at all; I just hope that they are doing well now. My decision not to go back to rehab felt like a mistake for a long time, but I knew even when I was using those last few months that there was nothing I could learn there – nothing I didn’t already know. Still, it was difficult to stop, difficult but not impossible.

On the 4th of next month I’ll be two years clean. These last six months have dragged by, and every now and then I think about what to write for my two years clean post. And every time I think about it, the potential post is completely different. So though I have no idea what I’ll write next month, right now what I can write is this… To all those people like me, like I was who are stuck in active addiction and think that they will never be able to stop: You can stop. It feels impossible, but it is not. I’m not saying it isn’t difficult, and honestly stopping without rehab was the most difficult thing I ever did, but the point is I did stop. And so can you.


About Jerome

I am a senior C# developer in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am also a recovering addict, who spent nearly eight years using methamphetamine. I write on my recovery blog about my lessons learned and sometimes give advice to others who have made similar mistakes, often from my viewpoint as an atheist, and I also write some C# programming articles on my programming blog.
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