Great news after the best few days ever

Today’s court case went so well, for myself and my son, it couldn’t possibly have been any better.

The foster care has been extended for only another six months, in order to give me time to get a few things in order. Up to now, his visits haven’t really given me the opportunity to practice being a parent. I saw him only for a short while on Wednesday evenings, and for longer over weekends, which meant I mostly played with him. In the next six months, the visitations will be extended, including a sleep-over midweek, giving me a chance to collect him from school, spend the evening with him and help him with his homework and such, and then take him to school the next morning. I couldn’t possibly have taken him back right away, because I really don’t know how to parent a seven year old. (I know how to parent a two year old, which is quite different.) So if all goes well – and I intend to ensure that it does – he’ll be back with me for good by Christmas.

The court proceedings themself went very well, totally in my favour, and even my ex explained that she wants him to be back with me. He was given the chance to talk to the magistrate alone, at which time he explained that he “wants to stay with his Daddy”. I don’t think my ex really sees the bigger picture, that the objective is for me to have sole custody – but no matter because I will never keep him from her, as long as she is clean and sober.

This weekend when he visited there was a minor disappointment, because she had indicated her intention for her and her daughter to visit, and she disappointed him (although actually the choice was mine). There were a few reasons for this, but the main one was that after I transferred money into her bank account for her to do a drug test, she didn’t do one. While her reason may have been valid (lack of transport) I don’t think she fully appreciates the way this works. If a recovering addict is asked to do a drug test, and they refuse, one has to assume the worst. Guilty until proven innocent it may be, but sadly that’s the way it is. I had to refuse to let her see him over the weekend. However, seeing her in person today, I could tell immediately that she is clean, so right after court, I took her for a test myself. Here are the results:

Edit 2016-02-16: As per the note here, two people have used my uploaded tests to forge their own tests and submitted them to court. I am thus removing all tests.

My son and I did have a great time on Saturday though, including my taking him to watch the Avengers: Age of Ultron movie. A great time was had by us both, which was followed by this day in court with my beaming ear to ear throughout.

Despite my happiness, I do still feel the haunting leftovers of sadness… In my head, I can still see him being born. I can still feel my hand on her sweaty head as she struggled for hours through his delivery. I can still empathise with the pain that she felt that day, and can still smell her sweat. I can still see his pink little head coming out, and hear as they tell me to touch him, with me too squeamish to do so. Mostly, I remember how happy and proud she was when he was born. I can still see the look in her eyes two days later as I photographed her holding him.

When I go back in time like that in my head, I feel everything I felt then, and I remember what she felt too, and it is just as real for me now as it was then. I can not reconcile the person that she was with the person that she became, and a few years ago, the only way to deal with this tragedy was to use meth. It not only took the pain away, it also allowed me to delude myself, to hear her voice telling me that she loved me. Even though it wasn’t real, it comforted me, but at a terrible cost. I almost lost our son forever, and I recall with regret the last time I sat in that same court, as high as could be. The magistrate gave me a chance then, and it has taken this long to make good of that chance. I will never let my son down again. If only she could see things as I do. But some things are not meant to be.

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About Jerome

I am a senior C# developer in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am also a recovering addict, who spent nearly eight years using methamphetamine. I write on my recovery blog about my lessons learned and sometimes give advice to others who have made similar mistakes, often from my viewpoint as an atheist, and I also write some C# programming articles on my programming blog.
This entry was posted in Addiction, Family, Methamphetamine, Parenting, Recovery, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

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