But NOT for the grace of God go I

Last night I wrote about the time I barely escaped being mugged and murdered. So many times, when I told the story and told other things about my past, people have said “But for the grace of God go I”, or they have told me “somebody was watching over you”, or the one I take most offense to, “I was praying for you”. Before you give God all the credit for my (eventual) good fortune, please indulge me for a few minutes; read what I have to say and if you can, open your mind and think a little deeper…

If God must take all the credit for all the good, why must He not also be credited with the evil? If He took my hand and led me out of addiction, was He not also the one who led me into it?

Am I to believe that God spared me from being mugged that night? If so, consider this: Those two young men who tried to mug me were part of a pitiful, unfortunate society, where they knew nothing other than poverty and deprivation. They lived in the most unpleasant of conditions in a society ridden with crime, with drugs, with prostitution and gangsters. They were desperate, yet they didn’t try to rob me for my money. No, they waited until after I went to my drug dealer. They wanted my drugs. They were willing to hurt and possibly to kill, not for money so that they could eat, but for methamphetamine.

If we are to thank God for my deliverance, should we not also thank Him for those poor thieves’ pitiful existence? Should we thank Him for their other victims, the ones who weren’t lucky enough to get away? And if we thank God for sparing my life, should we not also thank Him that I was saved so that I could return home to my seven-month pregnant girlfriend with two grams of methamphetamine in my pocket, that we could smoke together and further harm our unborn son?

Should we thank God that I, in my life of selfish excess and debauchery was spared, while elsewhere in the world, innocent women and children are raped and murdered all the time, also in the name of a God. (A God no different to this Christian God.)

Even if I believed in this vile, megalomaniacal God, I would want no part of His love. No thank you. You can have Him and the absurd motivated reasoning that you use to believe in the bullshit you call the Bible. You can have your confirmation bias, and use it to see signs of your God. I am so glad that I see things as they truly are.

Isn’t it strange, that this God is no different to what one would expect primitive cattle-sacrificing people to believe in thousands of years ago, people who invented superstitious nonsense and magic to explain what they didn’t understand? Wait, maybe it isn’t strange at all. That’s exactly what this God is.


This post wasn’t supposed to be so negative. The world is a beautiful place, full of wonder and awe, a place that I am exhilaratingly happy to be a part of, as I am now, clean and sober, being the best father that I can be, and most importantly, godless. Godless as we all are, but some of us don’t know it.

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About Jerome

I am a senior C# developer in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am also a recovering addict, who spent nearly eight years using methamphetamine. I write on my recovery blog about my lessons learned and sometimes give advice to others who have made similar mistakes, often from my viewpoint as an atheist, and I also write some C# programming articles on my programming blog.
This entry was posted in Addiction, Methamphetamine, Recovery, Skepticism and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to But NOT for the grace of God go I

  1. sonniq says:

    Well said. And also, if God supposedly was watching out for you why wasnt he watching over his poor drug addict muggers.?

    Liked by 1 person

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